


Sugar, Spell it Out

by myloveishype



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F, Slow Burn, tegan and sara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-04 01:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myloveishype/pseuds/myloveishype
Summary: Tegan Quin, a college freshman, gives a shot at figuring out her true identity using her music to reach the ones she desires the most. Sara Clement, an aspiring teacher, notices the young student, and tries to understand the complexity behind her.





	1. The First

It was nearing midterms for Tegan. Why she decided to take 19 credits as an incoming Freshman, she still ponders, as every waking moment she now stressed over how low of a score she could get on her exams, all the while still maintaining an oh so average C. For the most part though, she was loving the campus and faculty at her university, but was quite shocked how routine it all felt. Well, with the exception of one class, that is.

The decision for her to go off and get a further education was baffling to her parents, as they suspected once she graduated high school, she would be off experiencing the world with her hand-me-down guitar. Her mother was quite liberal with her upraising, letting her wear whatever felt comfortable with, and never critiquing her for not fitting in. In fact, she almost encouraged it, bringing Tegan and Jeremy, Tegan's childhood best friend, as well as middle school boyfriend, to numerous Smashing Pumpkin's concerts and disregarding the disheveled state the teens would be in when they returned.

But back to Tegan's current situation. Tegan R. Quin, very well may be finally figuring what she wants to do with her life. Never in her 19 years of life on this earth had she felt so strongly about yearning for the discussions and topics discoursed in one of her classes. Ironically, her interest in the class may have been her saving grace. She was not trying to press her luck with her other classes though, and decided that a responsible and forthright student would get together with others to see how else they could wrap their head around Physics, if that was even possible.

As she walked into the 4th Street Bean, the college's beloved coffee shop, she heard the radiant laughter of Lindsey Byrnes, Emy Storey, and Hunter Burgan, as Ted finished his joke.

"Well… don't mess with Papa Ted when he's been drinking!"

"Hey Tegan!" Lindsey screamed out across the shop, ignoring the sharp looks she got from all the other students trying to study.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm so late, I got wrapped up in one Clement's lectures and had to talk to her about the marks she gave me on my last quiz."

"Ohhh…. we all see how it is, disregard us as you swoon over some 20-something TA to boost your grade. Sorry some of us actually have to work for our marks." Hunter always gave Tegan crap about her sudden interest in English, and more specifically, her sudden infatuation with the TA currently teaching the class.

"Shut up, it's not like that." She blushed as she made eye contact with Lindsey, and quickly ducked her head as she used the excuse of taking off her scarf and jacket to hide her embarrassment.

"So tell us Teegs, how goes the ever so simple study of physics there," Emy ever so helpfully changed the subject.

"Gosh, it's like math is good, science is alright, but you put them both together and my mind combusts. I should have taken the easy way out and taken Weather and Climate, but no, had to be a show off and take the hardest course with the grouchiest professor my first semester here." Tegan finally settled into her seat, purposefully sitting next to Lindsey and brushing her thigh as she scooted into the bench.

"On that note, gotta get back to business, before I head back, do you want anything Tegan?" Ted questioned as he returned back to his normal duties of running his coffee shop.

Tegan nodded her and gave him her order. The group of friends meandered around the actual purpose of their meetup until someone noted they only had a half hour left to study. They quickly decided that they would pair up and go over the trickiest topics for each person, rather than all of them squabble over why certain equations didn't add up. Tegan was grateful Lindsey was helpful with teaching her these topics, and not just someone to ogle at. Every now and then when Tegan would point to certain equations in the book laid out of the table, Lindsey would graze her hand as she "clarified" what exactly Tegan was pointing out. Everyone in the group knew Tegan had some interest in Lindsey, and all enjoyed mocking how obvious she was about her attraction.

As Lindsey left, Tegan and all the others said their goodbyes. They quickly returned their looks to Tegan and instantly called her out on her not so hidden looks of desire.

"Just ask her out already, otherwise I'll do it for you!" Emy was not shy about her frustration with the two girls at hand. "If someone eyed me up and down for an hour, you better believe I would be acting on that shit, not just getting all hot under the collar and ignoring it. Grow a spine, woman!"

"She's not even gay, how many times do I have to tell you guys that! She's still seeing some guy from back home anyways, I'm not going to get in-between that, both for my sake and hers," Tegan replied.

"She has a point, Tegan. Honestly, that girl is into you, no matter how straight she says she is. You don't have to act on it like little Ms. Storey over here is implying, but clear the air with her. It's damn near painful for all of us to sit here and watch it.

"Gah, alright, but chill, I honestly barely know her. I'm lucky she even showed up to this and sat here with you two. She's so smart, and half the stuff she tries explaining to me goes right over my head. I doubt she would even go for someone like me."

"Hey you guys, are you still up for preforming at that open mic later this week," Ted aimed the question at Tegan and Hunter, interrupting the argument at hand.

"Sure, dude, at this point any exposure would be good." Initially Hunter's reaction to playing for free at a local coffee shop was not warmly welcomed, but Tegan reminded him that they needed to start somewhere.

Tegan and Hunter casually stuck up a conversation one day in their Physics class about their shared interest in music, noting they both played instruments; Tegan the guitar and piano, and Hunter the bass. They also discovered their mutual obsession over Against Me, and other punk bands. They were currently in the process of recording original songs, but have only actually preformed once prior to this invitation. Emy was also used in their creative outlet, as they requested her to make a cover photo for their eventual release of the E.P they were making.

"See you guys tomorrow in class, if I don't talk to you both before the exam, good luck!" Tegan bundled herself up and she returned back to her dorm. Was Tegan entirely prepared for this exam? Hell no, but she calculated all she needed on the exam was an 70% to maintain her C+, and she will be damned if she does not get it.


	2. All You Got

As the timer rang out across the classroom, Tegan begrudgingly stood up from her desk and turned her exam in. "Well, that's one less thing to worry about," she thought to herself. As the class flooded the exit, she saw Lindsey still sitting at her desk, seemingly on the verge of tears.

"You okay, Byrnes?" Tegan was sure something was up, as Lindsey was full of confidence the night prior when it came to reviewing this stuff.

"Mmm…yeah, just some personal drama, it was something I should have seen coming, but I was too much of a ditz to realize anything…well, until now," Linsey mockingly said.

Tegan was unsure if this was the time or place to express her real concern, and suggested that they take a breather at the coffee shop in between their exams. Lindsey agreed, wanting to get her mind in a better place.

The season was finally starting to change, the leaves painting a beautiful amber hue throughout the town, and adding a crispness to the air that can only be felt during fall. The two girls reflected on the test as they made their way to the shop, discussing the answers, which led to Tegan cursing herself after realizing how completely wrong she was. What was she to do though? Maybe the professor would give her brownie points for at least attempting the problems, or so she hoped.

It became a routine for Tegan and her friend group to visit the 4th Street Bean, something about its calming nature, and charming owner that always drew them back in. As Tegan and Lindsey settled into their table, Tegan noted how truly sad Lindsey looked. Her hair was disheveled, and not just from the winds outside, her eyes puffy and red from the irritation of wiping constantly. Despite how unkempt Lindsey may have looked at the moment, Tegan's heart hammered in her chest. She had an urge to hug and assure this girl everything would be okay, even when she had no idea what the issue was.

Tegan's attraction to Lindsey confused her, though. Growing up, she had a boyfriend. Well, if you consider dating your best friend in middle school a relationship. But she still remains firm on her stance that she had been attracted to him. The fact that he turned out gay, and she was questioning was unrelated to the fact. Tegan was aware that the attraction she felt for Lindsey wasn't purely platonic, but she was too nervous, too timid to act on it.

Lindsey chuckled, repeating Tegan's name for the umpteenth time, drawing her out of the entranced daze she was in.

"Hmm, what? I'm sorry, just thinking about that test, man, I really thought I nailed it until you started talking about it."

"It's okay," she chuckled, "would you mind if told you what's going on with me? I need to vent, and if I talk about it anymore with my roommate, she might just kill me."

"Oh yeah, definitely, sorta why I wanted to come here with you. I was really worried about you after the exam, but I didn't want to push it and make you think you had to talk about it with me." As she spoke, Tegan's nerves showed, rushing through her sentence.

Lindsey sighed, and then started. "Well, my boyfriend texted me last night. But he didn't realize I was the one receiving the message. Long story short, I found out he had been cheating on me ever since I started school down here."

"Oh my god, what an asshole. I'm so sorry, if there's anything you want me to do, I'll do it. Honestly, want me to beat his ass? I'll find him and do it myself, I swear."

This made Lindsey laugh the hardest she had in a while, "Oh no Tegan, I mean thank you for the offer, but honestly, it's for the best. I had some suspicions before I left, but just chalked it up to jealousy. Intuition, dude, sometimes you have a gut feeling… you should really listen to it."

Tegan glanced up at Lindsey, trying to see if maybe there were a double meaning behind the advice. She didn't want to make Lindsey uncomfortable though, and truthfully didn't want to see her upset, so she set her feelings aside, and reaffirmed her that she didn't need someone like that in her life, she could do better, all that cliché speak.

The hour passed by quickly, taking both the girls by surprise when Ted asked if they had any more classes for the day. Tegan shot up, realizing she had her English exam in less than 15 minutes.

"Sorry Lindsey, I gotta get going, text me when you get done with your midterms, we can keep talking then." Lindsey agreed, and right before Tegan passed the booth, she took her chances and gave Lindsey the biggest bear hug she could manage.

"Haha, okay, thank you Tegan, really. And good luck!"

Tegan bee-lined it to her English class in the infamous Coleman building. Unlike her Physics exam, she was actually looking forward to this one. Her professor Dr. Huberts was a great professor. But his TA is who really captured Tegan's attention.

Her name was Sara Clement; she was working on her PhD. She was not much older than Tegan, only 25 years old. Initially that's why Tegan thought she enjoyed listening to Ms. Clement speak, believing it was the relatability she had with the woman. But it wasn't just that, when spoke, she had such a strong conviction with the material at hand, it was hard to understand why they hadn't been taught such topics earlier in life. Tegan was also confused by the woman. She had a vibe to her that was hard to put into words. The woman was confident, but in a humble way. Aggressive, but in a way that encouraged others to speak up, rather than tread on the passive. Tegan was fascinated with her. She wished nothing more than for her and Sara to find out they had a shared interest to spark a conversation. But yet again, Tegan's shy tendencies squashed any kind of interactions like that to happen.

Tegan walked straight to her seat, and brought up her study materials, trying to cram with the minimal time left before the inevitable happened. Confident that she knew all the terms and appropriate themes, she set down her notes, and finally looked around the room. Since the beginning of the semester, the class had dwindled down, slowly but surely. The class sizes typically were no bigger than 40 or more students, but she was now sitting in a room with maybe 20 kids. How she managed to make this class look easy was astounding to her friends.

Dr. Hubert walked in the room, placed the tests on the front desk, and quickly left with no words uttered to the students. The class all looked around questioningly, wondering why their usually optimistic teacher was so out of character. Before anyone had any chance to get up and grab the exam, Sara Clement walked into the room, dressed dapper as ever, and gave a cheeky smile. Now for sure everyone in the room was confused.

"Hello everyone, I'm sure you've noticed Dr. Huberts lack of involvement in class today. This was intentional. We decided that I would be your proctor, and give Dr. Hubert time to be with his family, as they are expecting a baby girl any moment now."

The class ooh'd and ahh'd at the prospect of a Dr. Hubert having a baby, well not himself you see, but you get the point. Sara cleared her throat, regaining the attention of the students, and explained how the exam would go, telling everyone if they needed clarification on questions, that's what she was there for.

Tegan's palms began to sweat, a great variety of factors causing this, anticipation, attraction, fear, wait what? Tegan mentally scolded herself, now was not the time for her hormones to run rampant.

Tegan noted Sara was wearing a sleek black pair of oxfords, clicking loudly on the floor with each step she took. She sported grey trousers, with a thin black belt, topped off with a black button up and blue sports coat. In Tegan's opinion, the outfit was hot, both metaphorically and literally. It was still comfortable enough to get away with wearing a light sweater outside, so Tegan applauded Sara's determination to wear such an outfit.

Going up and down the aisle, Sara passed out each test, giving words of encouragement to each student. As she approached Tegan, her gaze dropped to the Tegan's chest. The student's ears grew hot as the older woman did not stop gawking, even when Tegan cleared her throat.

"I love that band, I had friend that opened for them once. The lead singer is an inspiration to a lot of young kids out there," in reference to Tegan's Against Me! T-shirt.

Tegan finally realized what the gawking was for. "Oh yeah, they're one of my favorites, I really am hoping to see them preform this year. And agreed, Laura Jane Grace is an amazing role model."

Sara gave her a smirk, placing the test in front of Tegan. "Good luck, I know you won't need it, but the sentiment is there." She winked as she continued down the row and finished passing out the exams.

Tegan's heart sure was getting a work out today, why did she swoon so easily over such trivial actions done by people? Who knows, and most certainly not her.

"Alright class, you have 2 hours to complete this exam, no cheating, no phones, and no talking, if I catch you doing any of these, your score will be omitted. Take your time, and when you are done, turn your exam into me up front, and quietly leave the room. You may now begin."

Tegan wrote her heart out, wanting to get the essay portion of the exam out of the way first. All in all, she thinks she nailed it. Anytime she struggled trying to remember a vocabulary term or tone word, she would think back to the lecture Sara gave, and it would instantly put her mind right back on track. As she checked over her last few answers, she looked around the room to scope where she stood against the rest of the class. She was the last one there.

She sheepishly approached Ms. Clement's spot up front, and cleared her throat before she spoke "Ms. Clement, I've finished. Sorry it took me so long, I uh, just really wanted to get everything right." Tegan cursed herself as she couldn't control the stutter and nervous tone to her voice.

"It's quite alright Tegan, you're one of the few I'm not worried about taking this course. That being said, if you ever need extra help with a topic, feel free to stop by my office, I could use the company," Sara chuckled at her own self deprecating quip.

Tegan nervously chuckled, "Thank you Ms. Clement, I may take you up on that when we get more into this poetry unit. Well, have a good day, see you in class next week."

"I'll follow you out the room, turn the lights off for me would you?"

Tegan obediently followed Ms. Clement's orders, flicking the lights off and heading toward the door. As she exited the class, Sara grabbed her shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze telling the student, "Really Honey, stop by my office if you're ever feeling overwhelmed, it doesn't have to pertain to just this class, okay?"

"Okay, thank you Ms. Clement-" Sara interrupted her, "It's Sara. Ms. Clement sounds too formal," Sara smirked.

Tegan's ears and cheeks gave away how flustered she was with this interaction, agreeing to succumb to Sara's request in the future. As she scurried off to her dorm, her mind was racing, trying to decipher the feelings she had for the two women she was swooning over.


	3. Come On

A few weeks had passed, Tegan had nailed her exam, getting the highest score out of everyone in the class. A solid 'A,' only having one or two grammatical errors in her paper, but nothing major. Her bravado was apparent when talking about the class, making some of her friend's sulk in the fact that they were struggling with the content and pace of the course.

As the semester began to dwindle down, Tegan became the tutor within her friend group, helping any and all who would pay her and actually do their work, not just expecting her to just write an essay for them. All the while she was helping others, she was also trying to gain enough confidence to visit Ms. Clement.

Something about Ms. Clement shook Tegan to her core, the attraction she felt as well as the inspiration the woman gave her was messing with her hormones as well as her social life. Despite her obvious vibe with Lindsey, Tegan always froze when hints of intrigue were given. She also didn't want to be Lindsey's rebound, knowing that dealing with such a hard heartbreak can bring out unexpected actions from those with clouded minds.

Rather than just throwing her body at Lindsey, she set strict limits with their interactions, within her mind, of course. When they were studying together and Lindsey would sit too close, she would stretch her legs out, and shuffle, subtly, to get some distance. If their hands accidentally brushed while pointing at the page, Tegan would chuckle, but not bring it up or make eye contact with the girl. All in all, she was trying to fried zone Lindsey…as hard as it was for her to do.

Her limits were being put to the test with Lindsey though, as parties became more frequent within their group. Drinking and smoking were their ritual, especially if Tegan and Hunter got a decent buck from their gig at the coffee shop.

One of the nights after a quick show they played, Lindsey pulled Tegan off to the side and asked if she wanted to head back to her place to smoke and talk. Not wanting to make their relationship awkward, she happily obliged and proceeded to smoke two bowls with the bubbly dirty-blond. They put the infamous Bob Ross on Netflix and were beyond mesmerized watching him turn an empty canvas into such a serene scene. By the second episode, Tegan noticed that her buzz was reaching more than just her head. In her haze, she grabbed one of the many pillows on Lindsey's bed, and laid it atop her lap. Lindsey took this as a sign to lay her head on the pillow, making Tegan squirm and her face flush.

"He…hey Lindsey. Feeling tired?"

"Mmm, I'm feeling many things, but tired is not one of them," Lindsey quipped back.

"Ha….well, I'm feeling a little tired myself, Bob Ross and weed is the perfect sleep aid, if you ask me."

"Tegan Quin, you really need to learn how to shut up and take a hint sometimes."

"What? What does that mean?" Tegan furrowed her brow, confused with why Lindsey's remark was so pointed.

"Just shut up and watch the T.V."

"Fine." And with that, Tegan grabbed another pillow and slid it behind her head against the wall, and leaned further back, adjusting her body, resting against the wall.

Lindsey adjusted her head on the pillow too, but flipped her body so she was facing Tegan. She put a hand underneath her head, and the other she wrapped around Tegan's waist, pulling them together in a rather awkward position, forcing her head into Tegan's stomach. She began to giggle, making Tegan's heartbeat race, feeling the vibration in varying areas of her body.

"Lindsey, what are you doing?" Tegan questioned with a strained voice.

"Just relax, I'm hugging you. When I get high, I get cuddly."

"You're a weird one Byrnes."

"You like it, don't lie." And with that, Lindsey removed her arm from Tegan's waist, and positioned herself so she was sitting on the pillow on Tegan's lap. "Thank you for being here for me Tegan, you're one of the best friends I have here, and you always make me feel so happy and special," Lindsey said while tucking her hair behind her ear and looking down at her other hand.

"I love spending time with you Byrnes, you're a pretty cool gal too," Tegan tried lightening the mood up, not quite sure where this was going. As she said this, Lindsey pulled Tegan into a hug, cheek to cheek, and chest to chest. Tegan could hear a heart pounding, not sure if it was hers or Lindsey's. She reciprocated, and wrapped her arms underneath Lindsey's, slowly letting their bodies melt together and began to sway back and forth. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she felt herself starting to get drowsy, so she tightened her grip on the blonde and laid them down on their sides.

As they started into each other's eyes, they both got the giggles, feeling effects of their high as well as letting their nerves show through.

"You're cute Tegan, whoever ends up with you is going to be one hell of a lucky person," she then kissed the tip of Tegan's nose, and flipped onto her other side, now facing the T.V, but intentionally pressing her bum against Tegan's crotch.

"You're going to be the death of me Byrnes, I swear," she murmured, and let sleep take over.


	4. Heavy

"And that's why prison isn't a joke, students," Ms. Clement wrapped up her lecture on the ever so enthralling book, Tale of Two Cities. The student's lack of interest in the story was apparent, but her sarcastic quip got a chuckle out of a few students still with her, Tegan being the first to catch it. Throughout the rest of the semester, their class lecture focused on classic literature and, worst of all for Tegan, poetry.

"Reminder to everyone, your presentations start the day after we get back from break, please don't show up unprepared," the TA hopped off the desk she was sitting on and stood at the podium, "if anyone needs any help please visit me during my office hours. It would be a pleasure getting to know the creative process you all go through," she said making direct and unwavering eye contact with Tegan as she wrapped up the class.

The room cleared out quickly. Tegan always questioned why they all seemed to run out of this room, despite her attraction to Sara, she believed the woman was very caring and often sweet towards student, not at all intimidating like the other students painted.

"Ms. Quin, can I talk to you in my office?" The student was caught off guard by the request, hesitant in her response, "Um...sure Ms. Clement, did I get a bad mark on my last poetry report?"

"Oh, not at all. The opposite really. I wanted to pick your brain about some of the topics you brought up, if you have the time, that is," Sara raised her eyebrows and gave the slightest hint of a smirk.

"Oh thank god, I nearly had a heart attack. But um, yeah, I can talk to you about it right now. I'm done with classes today," the student shuffled toward the front of the class, trying not to stare at the woman in front of her, bending over to shove the stacks of paper into her worn satchel.

"Awesome, follow me to my office. Never mind the mess when we get there, I had a long night grading Dr. Hubert's ancient Greek mythology course." The student chuckled, but felt a bit sympathetic towards the younger professor, knowing that due to Dr. Hubert's absence, a lot of his work was pushed off onto her, and it was beginning to show physically and mentally.

The office had been rearranged since the last time she met with TA, the bookcases were crammed to fit along one wall, the other wall was made entirely of windows which were open, letting the brisk fall wind in and allowing the setting sun to mask the room in a warm red hue. In front of the windows was where the desk was, polished but obviously worn, and littered with what she assumed to be the papers Sara spoke of earlier. The starkest change was the addition of photos throughout the room, some of family and friends, but a majority consisted of trees, some with their gnarled roots showing through the sparse topsoil, other's almost looking like they were billowing with the wind in real time. All of them were in black and white, but did not give of a harrowing vibe that would be expected; they felt soothing.

The student settled into the chair across the desk, and grabbed the poetry book from which she wrote her essay in question about. A wave of embarrassment washed over the student, knowing her poem was in no way subtle, and her report on it only clarified her feelings towards unrequited loved. Had she known that Sara was the one grading these papers, her focus on love poems from Shakespeare would clearly not be her subject matter. Sara grabbed Tegan's paper from the satchel she brought with and gave the student a smirk as she leaned onto her desk and slid the paper towards the student. " 'Take, oh Take Those Lips Away.' That's a, hmm…" Sara tried to think of the best word to use, "that's a rather personal poem to pick. So, tell me, why Shakespeare? Isn't it sacrilegious for teenagers to admit liking anything related to him?"

Tegan laughed at the remark, "I guess. I'm not a huge fan of his plays, if I'm being honest. I think that his poetry is straight to the point, no need to decipher how many ways a metaphor can be interpreted, you know? He was just like everyone else, he knew what love was, knew how shitty it felt to not able to admit it someone, and I like that. It humbles him out, in a way. He's more human in his poems, his plays reflect this heroic innerself self , but his poems show the everyday reality people face."

Tegan hadn't noticed she let the vulgar word slip, and nervously fidgeted in her seat as her TA beamed at her, feeling like she was being mocked by the huge smile adorning Sara's face. "What? Why are you smiling," the teen nervously chuckled, "Did I say something?"

"It's amazing how you have such a way with words on paper, and I mean this in the best way possible, but the way you speak is so direct and profound. Never stop talking, okay?" Tegan's face felt hot, surely she was blushing to a point where even the setting sun couldn't hide the flush of her cheeks and ears. "My friends tell me the opposite; they say I never shut up. I'll just have to try and find a happy medium, I guess." Tegan finally looked at the report, and looked quizzically at it. Now it was Sara's turn to question the expression the student held, "What's wrong? Can you not read my comments?"

"No, no, but um, what's the smiley face for? Is that a new grading scale you're using?" Tegan went on a limb and tried to play along with her TA, successfully getting the older woman to blush, too. "Don't get me wrong, I love it, I just didn't realize anyone would like my writing enough to emote in such a way. Me playing my guitar though, that's what makes the kids go crazy." The teens confidence seemed to be growing with her cocky joke; she no longer shrunk into her chair, and laid her arms on the desk in front of her, shortening the distance between her and Sara.

"I've seen you at the coffee shop a couple times actually, you have a lovely voice Tegan." The teens heart always sped up when hearing Sara refer to her by her first name, she always said it so sweetly, and only used it when they were alone, in class it was always 'Ms. Quin'. 

"Thank you Sara, sorry you sit through our set. Me and Hunter just started playing together this year, we vibe super well with one another, but only having one guitar and one bass doesn't always sound the best."

Sara adjusted herself in her chair, moving closer to her desk. "Are you serious about music? I mean, do you think you would ever tour if your music started getting some recognition?" Sara moved her body so she was now sitting on the edge of her chair, and rested her arms closer to Tegan's, aided by the fact that the desk was on the smaller side and gave less than a foot of distance between the student and herself.

"Honestly, probably not. It's more of a coping thing for me at this point. We've released an EP and have a few live recordings of us, but I don't know if I could handle touring. I really just don't want to disappoint my parents though, I've gotten this far, which is baffling to them. But I want to prove to them that I can do this, and I'm not just some lost soul."

Sara nodded in understanding, and patted Tegan's clenched hand on the desk. The older woman chuckled, "I know how that feels. The pictures on the wall, I took those. I have a degree in photography. English was always my calling, but something about photography was so captivating, in the literal sense and metaphorically," she said with a smile in her voice and looked at the student to see if the joke landed. "I did the opposite of you, I did something that everyone expected me to do, expected me to excel at, but I failed. I had some of my prints in some exhibits, but only enough to pay for rent and food. I had to go back to school, thank god I had half a brain when I was in Montreal and minored in English. So here I am now, 25 year's old, still trying to figure out what I'm doing. I'm a wander," the TA gave a melancholy smile.

Tegan was glad that the woman was opening up to her, "Your work is beautiful. I'm thankful that you're here now, but I'm sorry it didn't work out the first time. That shouldn't ever stop you from doing what you love though. I'm not saying this because you're my teacher and I have to be polite. Your work is something that should be noticed. Even at a glance, something about it pulls me in," Tegan was speaking about the photos and the older woman herself. "It's classically beautiful, you know? We see trees every day, but how often do we stop to notice the subtle changes they go through during the seasons, how often do we appreciate the imperfections that make it unique? Not to mock you, but never stop taking photos, okay? They're lovely, and if I had the means to, I would buy and admire your work as much as I could."

The two women made eye contact and let their smiles speak for them, Sara once again patting Tegan's outstretched arm, but this time letting it rest there. "That's sweet of you Tegan, really." Her thumb began to rub patterns into Tegan's exposed arm.

" 'But my kisses bring again, bring again, Seals of love, but sealed in vain, sealed in vain.' That's my favorite line…mind you it's half the poem. But that's the part that resonates with me most. It starts off so hopeful, longing to show that affection to someone you are yearning over, but when it comes to it, the receiver just doesn't feel it. The physical rejection of a person you connect with isn't talked about nearly as much as the emotional side, but I mean, who would ever like knowing that something as simple as a kiss would make someone you care for feel uncomfortable. It makes you feel like, like a predator almost, like you took something from that person, despite having intentions aimed to do the opposite." Sara continued to rub Tegan's arm, and looked at her with complete awe in her eyes. "I know my paper dissected the tone of the poem, but the message of the piece is why I chose it."

"I can't agree more," Sara replied.


	5. Not With You

Tegan and Hunter wrapped up their small acoustic set, sending daggers to their friends who over zealously hoot and hollered at their covers of old indie songs. Scanning through the crowd throughout the night, Tegan noticed there were a few more people willingly sitting in the back section to listen to them, which was a good boost in confidence. She also noticed that her TA, Ms. Clement, had shown up about halfway through it. Whenever there was a pause in the set, she encouraged Hunter to talk, too scared her nerves would embarrass her in front of the crowd.

As the two packed up their gear, a very distinct sound struck Tegan's ears; the sharp clicking of dress shoes against hard wood. Tegan turned around, and her smile grew, noticing Sara was adorned in one of the most dapper outfits yet, and came bearing what seemed to be some type of pastry wrapped in a napkin in her hand. "That was absolutely beautiful, Ms. Quin." Tegan, with no subtly in her action, eyed the TA up and down. "What's the occasion?" she asked vaguely gesturing at Sara's outfit.

"What, you don't wear a suit whenever you go to a coffee shop?" She leaned on the stage asking the question, and toyed with the handkerchief stuck in the breast pocket. The teen chuckled at the sarcastic remark, "But no, really? This is spiffy, even for your standards."

"Ahh, duly noted that you have been judging my fashion sense this year." Sara said raising her eyebrows at the teen, "Shame it hasn't rubbed off on you, I'm sure you can pull off a blazer if you really wanted to." Tegan jumped off the stage and the two walked to one of the booths against the wall, furthest from Tegan's rowdy, prying friends. Sara placed the pastry in front of Tegan, "Try it, it's one of the coffee shops homemade chocolate filled croissants. They're delicious." The teen was a little confused with where Sara's boldness was coming from, but went along with it, liking that their relationship was no longer stiff and formal. The teen moaned taking a bite of the flaky pastry, and Sara gave her a cheeky smile before telling her story.

"One of my friends, who is also a professor on this campus, is getting married over the summer. There's a bridal shop down the street from here," she vaguely gestured behind her, "so I just got back from a fitting. While I was in there, I honestly tried on more outfits than the bride did. Clothing is my kryptonite." Sara's gaze was focused on the fiddling Tegan was doing with her fingers and her guitar pick, causing the teen to become self-conscious, and quickly stop the nervous tick.

"I'm standing up in her wedding, I'm one of the ten bridesmaids she has. Which, before you say anything, I realize is absurd, but this woman is bridezilla and will get her way." Both chuckled at the comment, knowing from personal experience how crazy people can get over weddings. "For the wedding itself, she picked out some revealing dark blue dresses for us all to wear, clearly that's not my style, so I rewarded myself by buying this little get up." Sara said, sliding her fingers down the sharp grey lapel of her blazer. "It's not tailored or hemmed in anyway, so it's a little boxy on me right now, but I dig it, it's a wool blazer, so it'll be nice to wear over this winter. Underneath I'm just wearing a white button up, but I did score some pretty radical socks while I was there."

"See, look at these bad boys!" Sara exclaimed, lifting up her slacks to reveal the sock. Admittedly, the teen was holding back laughter, seeing how giddy Sara was getting over this subject. The socks were black, and had small embroidered flamingos and pineapples all over them. "Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

"For socks, yes. For other things, debatable." The teen smirked.

"Oh, well please let me in on this hidden knowledge of yours Ms. Quin." Sara said, egging Tegan on.

"Well for starters, look up any sort of cat video on YouTube, or Instagram for that matter, and you will be in a state of utter amazement. But, to give a short list of things cute in this world," the teen cleared her throat, jokingly.

"Oh, wait a second, let me write this down, for future investigation," Sara said, mimicking wetting the tip of a pen and getting ready to write it down in a notepad.

"For starters, babies of all varieties including, but not limited to: giraffes, kittens, puppies, ya know, the typical stuff. Also, those videos of hamsters eating miniature food are pretty adorable, too. Emmm, what else? Oh, duh, and you, that's definitely up there too."

Sara laughed in embarrassment, covering her face with both hands, presumably trying to hide the fact her cheeks were beet red from the sudden compliment. Her smile was so endearing to Tegan, and made the teen push Sara's hands away from her face, "you shouldn't do that, you know?" The teen asked. "Do what?" Sara responded, still showing her gummy smile. "Hide your face like that when you laugh... I like it, even if it's at me, and not at my horrible jokes."

"Oh, hush now." Just as Sara finished her statement, Tegan's rambunctious group of friends was drawing as much attention to themselves as possible, aiming to embarrass her as they screamed her name and made obnoxious kissing noises. "Well, I think that's my sign to go," Sara said, slowly sliding out of the booth and eyeing the noisy group.

"I'm sorry about them, let me at least walk you out." As the pair walked past the rowdy group, Tegan mouthed a 'fuck you,' to them for good measure, and made a mental note to get them back later. "Thank you for seeing my set, if you can even call it that," Tegan said opening the door for Sara, slipping behind her as it closed. "Don't thank me, you have some true talent, it'd be a shame if I wasn't out here supporting you." The two looked everywhere but one another's faces.

"We should do this again sometimes, I mean get coffee and just talk," Sara quickly stated, "If you'd like." Tegan agreed before even letting the older woman finish her sentence, "I'd love to."

"Well, good. I'll see you later Ms. Quin. Don't stay out too late, now." Sara winked at the student, and gently squeezed her shoulder, "Have a good night."

"You too, Sara." The teen watched her professor walk down the dimly lit street until she saw her safely get into her car. She returned to the now dying down back section of the coffee shop, eyeing all her friends, mentally cursing them all. Sitting around the table was Emy, Hunter, Rob, and Johnny.

"What's wrong with you all? You understand that she works for the fucking university, right? If rumors start going around that she's anything outside of professional with students, she could get fired, and I can get dropped from the course, you assholes!" Tegan sat at the table, with her arms crossed, and her eyes burning with embarrassment and rage.

The group burst into shrieks of laughter after getting chewed out by Tegan, making her sink further into her chair and groan in annoyance. "What is wrong with you all? Wait, let me guess, you all smoked before coming here?"

The unison eruption of giggles only furthered Tegan's annoyance. She couldn't deal with three high people on her own, and knew that Hunter was susceptible to wanting to smoke whenever in a group setting. She called up Lindsey, and asked if they could head to her apartment for the night, not wanting to end her night in a state of anger and frustration. Hunter and Tegan crammed the friend group into his small car, along with all their equipment, and promised the group food and drinks to shut them up.

"Hey guys!" Lindsey gleefully greeted the group, as the filed out of the car, making her chuckle as it nearly resembled that of a clown car. "I haven't seen you two in forever," Lindsey said in reference to Rob and Johnny, "where have you been?" She quickly wrapped them both in a hug, and grabbed their arms, leading them to her apartment.

"Ah, you know, we've just been bumming it lately. We're almost done with our senior year, so we see no point in loading the classes on. Just trying to enjoy life to the fullest before shit gets real." Rob answered for the both of them. The group settled down in Lindsey's apartment, occupying the floor and couch, segregating themselves between those who were high, and those who were sober.

"By 'enjoying it to the fullest,' do you mean 'never leave the dorm, and smoke all day?" Tegan's remark had a hint of aggravation to it, causing Hunter and Lindsey to turn around and look at her. Rob scoffed at the comment brushing it aside, but Johnny gave a sad smirk, realizing that's how everyone viewed him too.

"Let me tell ya Quin, you aren't really livin' until you've watched an entire season of Bob's Burgers high off your ass." She rolled her eyes at the comment, and directed her next question at Emy. "Em, did you ever ask out that Sarah chick from your art class?"

"Ohhh, Ms. Storey has an interest of her own? Why were we not informed about this?" Hunter feigned offense as he poked at Emy, who groaned in response and hid her face.

"It's not even like that. She was a model for a painting that I had to do. I've seen her naked once, for the sake of art, and all of a sudden Tegan thinks I need to jump on that shit. Stop deflecting Quin, and start making moves of your own." Emy raised her eyebrows, clearly making eye contact between Tegan and Lindsey, who both shifted awkwardly when they realized what she was implying, and quickly shifted to a new topic.

"So, who's up for pizza?" Instantaneously the mood lightened, as everyone in the room shouted what they wanted and where to order from. Hunter graciously volunteered to pay for the meal, and ordered a few pizzas for them to munch on.

The group of friends huddled around the pizza in the cramped kitchen, astonished that Hunter still had not taken a hit yet. "Why aren't you smoking, dude?" Rob asked, shoveling the pizza in his mouth, making Tegan and Emy cringe at how repulsive the sight was. "Eh, I'm not really feeling it tonight. I honestly can't remember the last time I hung out with you guys without toking up. Not to slam you guys or anything, but it gets sorta monotonous when it's the only thing we do."

"Woah, where are all these aggressive vibes coming from all of a sudden?" Rob said defensively. "I offer all you guys my own stash the entire year, and now you complain. What gives? Did someone shit in everyone's coffee this morning?"

Johnny finally chirped in, "Nah dude, I sorta see their point. This entire semester has been a blur for me. I'm barely scrapping by with all my grades. All just so I can get high with you every night. I'm done after today, I swear. I can't go back to my ma like this, and tell her I'm failing because of what? Weed? Nah man, not worth it." The group affirmed Johnny, liking that he was smart enough to realize his codependence on the drug.

"When was the last time you went to bed sober, Rob?" Tegan asked Rob, not at all anticipating his reaction.

"Fuck off, Tegan. I can do what I want. I'm not some pompous teenage dyke who thinks she has the world figured out just because she can sweet talk her way into some professor's pants." Rob said, gritting his teeth. "I don't need to flirt with professors to earn my grades, and I sure as hell don't need to go around fucking with people's emotions just to get what I want."

"What the fuck, Rob?" Hunter shot up from his seat when he saw Rob stumble out of the chair. He put his body in front of Tegan's defensively, ready to put himself in harm's way if Rob was dumb enough to act on his aggression.

"I think you should leave," Lindsey flatly stated.

"Yeah. I think I should. I can't deal with this shit tonight. Let's go Johnny."

"I'm really sorry guys. Tegan, I honestly cannot tell you how embarrassed I am right now. I'm gonna head home with him, and maybe tomorrow when he's sober I can talk some sense in to him. I really am sorry everyone. I'll talk to you all later." Johnny grabbed his coat off the back of his chair, and followed Rob out the door, leaving the room eerily quiet.

"What was that dude's issue with you? I didn't even think you two really knew each other." Emy said, looking at Tegan, who's face was void of almost any emotion.

"He asked me on a date one of the first few weeks of school after we kept running into each other at the coffee shop. I thought he was a cool dude, so I said yes, but I told him that I wasn't really looking to date anyone." She looked at Emy, and had to restrain her feelings, having the urge to cry from the rush of emotions she just faced.

"We got high together after hanging out a couple times, and he tried kissing me. I stopped him, and told him that I really didn't want a relationship. He said something along the lines, 'this doesn't have to be something serious.' I didn't feel comfortable with him after that, so I made up some excuse that I had to leave to go take care of my roommate. But he kept grabbing my arm, and wanted me to stay with him. I finally told him to stop, and that he was hurting me. He let me go, and we just sorta stopped talking after that. I'm assuming because he's friends with you all, and I talk to Johnny, he figured out I was gay, and was hurt that I used him, or thought I used him. I don't know."

"What a fucking dickhead. I'm sorry we invited him to come with us, Teegs. That's the end of that bullshit though. Johnny can stick around, but honestly, Rob can go get fucked." Hunter bluntly stated, making Emy and Tegan half smile with his brash words.

"Are you okay, Linds?" Hunter squeezed her shoulder, taking her out of the daze she was in.

"Um, yeah. I'm just really disappointed and shocked with what just happened." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I don't mean to be a bummer, but can I ask you and Emy to leave?"

"Oh, yeah sure thing." The request took Hunter by surprise, "Tegan, call me if you need a ride back or anything, I don't want you walking alone tonight." Hunter said, giving Lindsey a one-armed hug and grabbing his things off the table.

"Thanks, I think I'll stay here tonight, if it's okay with Linds?" Lindsey nodded, and went into the living room, sitting down on the worn couch, waiting for everyone to leave.

Tegan gave Emy and Hunter both big hugs before they left, and thanked them for having her back. "I'll see you guys later," she said shutting the door behind them.

"Hey Byrnes…what's going on?" Tegan timidly said, sitting next to Lindsey on the couch, playfully bumping the girls shoulder with her own. "Is everything okay? I know what he said was sorta harsh, but it's all good. We'll all just keep our distance from him."

"Yeah, it's not that. I mean, yes, I'm upset with what he called you, and that he's hurt you in the past. But..." she hesitated, looking up at Tegan, her face showing that she was saddened by something. She exhaled before she continued, "But I'm confused about what he meant when he was talking about you and that professor?"

"Oh gosh," Tegan sighed, and put her head in her hands. "Look, half of what he was saying was out of spite." Tegan moved on the couch, sitting cross legged and facing Lindsey, Lindsey remained in her spot, still looking at Tegan, but her body stiff and facing away. "When we were at the shop tonight, one of my professors walked in and watched our set. She's actually my TA," Lindsey cut her off. "Oh, so it was Sara?"

Tegan bit her lip, and furrowed her brow, wondering why Lindsey was so hurt by this. "Yeah, it was Ms. Clement. It wasn't a big deal though. She's seen us preform before. But tonight, she wanted to talk to me after the set. She was wearing some outrageous suit, and it piqued my interest, so we just talked for a bit. Nothing about the interaction was flirtatious." Tegan lied with her last comment, but did it so the girl's feelings weren't hurt any more than they already were.

Lindsey still looked upset. Tegan couldn't handle it, so she moved in Lindsey's personal space, and wrapped her arms around the blonde's body. She rested her head on her shoulder and pleaded, "Lindsey, please tell me what's wrong. I don't like seeing you like this," giving her the puppy dog eyes, expecting some kind of chuckle out of the girl. But that was not the case, Lindsey pushed her away, and looked straight ahead of her. "I can leave if you don't want me here. I'm sorry that his comment hurt you so much, but I don't know what else to say." Tegan said, letting go of her and setting her feet back on the floor.

"Did you sleep with her?"

"What?" Tegan couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you serious Lindsey?"

"Please, just answer me." The blonde had her eyes shut, looking like she was in pain. Afraid to hear the answer.

"No, Lindsey. I didn't sleep with her. I've never slept with her."

"Do you want to?" Lindsey finally looked at Tegan, pain and hurt still evident in her eyes.

"Lindsey. What the hell? Stop, there's no reason for you to be asking that." She grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. "Lindsey, please tell me why you are so hurt by all of this. You know it's not true, so why care?"

"Because Tegan!" She paused, and looked Tegan dead in the eye, "I love you… isn't it fucking obvious?" The blonde turned her body to face Tegan, letting their hands fall free from one another, and letting Tegan stare at the floor this time round.

"Fuck."


	6. Hype

"Fuck."

"Tegan, please say something." Lindsey finally begged the brunette after she sat silently with her head in her hands.

"Lindsey, you don't know what you're saying. You shouldn't be throwing the word love out there like that." Finally making eye contact with the blonde.

"Why can't I say it?" Anger was rising in Lindsey's voice, stemming from the fear of rejection. "You don't know how or what I feel." She paused and sighed, trying to calm down, "it's not like this is easy to admit."

"I realize that." She paused, concerned with how Lindsey would take her next statement, "Please don't get angry with me, but I don't think love is the best way to describe what 'this' is."

"Oh, then please tell me what it is then?" Her remark was sharp, making Tegan feel like she was harming her by explaining how she saw the situation.

Tegan awkwardly shuffled in her spot on the couch, feeling hyper aware of how the blonde's gaze never shifted away from her. She gave up, and began pacing the length of the couch. "I'm going to be blunt with you. All I ask is that you let me finish what I'm going to say, and then you can ask me anything that comes to mind, okay?" Lindsey nodded her head.

With a sigh, she stopped her pacing and sat on the floor in front of Lindsey, looking down at her fidgeting hands as she began. "Ever since I've met you, I've felt an attraction. Ask anyone from our group and I'm sure they'll all say it was painfully obvious." Tegan looked up at her, and gave a small smirk.

"Since you went through your break up, I've made it clear that I am here for you and that I truly love spending time with you." Tegan paused, and nervously fixed her hair, building up her courage to state what she thought Lindsey's real feelings were. "But to me it just sounds more like infatuation, not love. Almost like this is a fantasy that you've built up in your head where you think I'm some type of knight in shining armor, rescuing you from your broken heart, all the while also playing the role of your best friend. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but I'm absolutely terrified that I'm just going to be your rebound, whether or not you realize it." Lindsey's eyebrows knitted in confusion, and she began to open her mouth.

"Ah, ah, just let me finish." Lindsey stopped herself from speaking, and leaned back further into the couch. "This isn't like a rom-com, where I silently yearn for you, and you sit and thrive off my companionship and only realize my hidden feelings once I move on. That's not what this is going to be, okay? I promise you I will be upfront with my feelings from now on, but that means you have to promise me something, too, okay?"

"Okay," Lindsey hesitantly agreed to Tegan's unstated condition.

"You have to do the same for me. I want to know everything you're feeling. I don't want to have to guess what's going through your mind, and somehow realize the faults in whatever this relationship will lead to." As Tegan explained her conditions, Lindsey's own shy small slowly began to take over.

"This isn't a declaration of love, or a bashful way of me saying that we should be together. This is me telling you that I'm into you, but I'm hesitant and nervous about where it will lead."

The two made steady eye contact after Tegan spoke her mind, and both wore timid smiles.

"It makes me happy to hear that you feel the same way…well sort of." Lindsey chuckled, with some sadness to her remark. "I would love to see where this goes. And I whole heartedly agree that we should be more open about our feelings with one another. But may I give you some of my input?"

Tegan nodded, and Lindsey started. "Regarding the whole 'fantasy' thing you're accusing me of, I call bullshit. I'm bisexual, not straight. Just because I've dated men, in no way, invalidates my attraction to women. I've been with girls in the past, which I've told you bits and pieces of, they were just never as serious as anything I've had with guys. But you're different, I can feel it in my heart that in some way we're meant to be. And I don't mean that in a sappy way either." Tegan's bashful smile reached her eyes with the comment. "Being around you makes me happy… which, clearly, makes me feel good about myself."

Tegan started to squirm around on the rather uncomfortable floor once Lindsey was done talking, which the blonde was quick to pick up on. "Why don't you sit on the couch with me? No funny business I swear, we can just sit here and talk until we go to bed." Lindsey patted the spot next to her, and shifted her body so her feet were on the couch, and her back was against the armrest. Tegan gladly obliged and mimicked the same posture, giving her ample opportunity to play footsy with the blonde. The two giggled at how childish the act was, but were happy that the tense feeling was now gone from their interactions.

"Can I ask you about Ms. Clement, or is that too far?"

"No, no, you can ask, but what do you want to know? I wasn't lying earlier, I swear I've never slept with her, honest to god."

"I believe you. But," Lindsey nudged Tegan's foot with her own, focusing on that rather than looking at the brunette, "do you like her? Like…. find her attractive and all of that?"

"Um, yeah, I do. I think she's a very attractive person. But I also think you're a very attractive person." Tegan nudged Lindsey's foot back, and grabbed the blonde's hand, to hold while she gave her explanation. "I don't know much about her though, outside of what she tells us in class about her personal life." Tegan furrowed her brow, trying to recall what she knew exactly, and how to describe her draw to the older woman. "She's a very mysterious person, so to claim that I like her is a bit of a stretch. I like who she presents herself to be, but it's based on purely superficial means. Whereas with you," Tegan caressed the blonde's cheek, "I like you for who you are. You're very bold with everything you do, and you do it shamelessly. You're incredibly loyal, and while I'm not saying other people in my life don't do this, but you make me feel so wanted. And again, girl, you make me so nervous to be around, but in the best way possible." Tegan finished her claim with a smug grin, jokingly raising her eyebrows.

Lindsey grabbed the hand that was gently stroking her face, and brought it to her lips to peck, "why do you say that?" The smile evident in her voice.

Tegan leaned her body into the blonde's, wrapping her arms around her neck, and putting her lips close to her ear to whisper, "if you can't tell, you're pretty fucking hot." The comment caused both to burst into laughter, making Tegan fall against Lindsey's body, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder, and molding the rest of her body to fit into Lindsey's sitting posture.

"You're pretty fucking hot too," the blonde tried her best at mimicking Tegan's voice, which gave rise to another chuckle from the brunette.

"Shut it. I really do think you are beautiful. Your ears are so cute," Tegan gave the one closest to her a peck, still letting her head rest on the other woman's shoulder "and your eyes are oh so dreamy. And on top of all of this," she said motioning towards the woman's face, "you're so fit," ending her statement with a final peck on the shoulder she was resting on. Tegan gave a content hum once she was done speaking, and nuzzled further into her position, slowly nodding off listening to the steady breathing and heartbeat of the other woman.

"Well I'm glad that I have an admirer." She paused, noticing how quiet Tegan had gotten. "Should we go to bed?"

"Yes, please." Sleep was evident in Tegan's voice, and response, as she barely budged when Lindsey wanted to move. "Want to sleep out here?" Tegan gave something of an approving hum. "Sounds good, dork. Scootch down please." She groaned at the request, but did so, finally nuzzling into Lindsey's side once she felt the warmth of a blanket covering them.


	7. Boyfriend

Tegan was hoping the rest of the weekend would be smooth sailing, praying she could catch up on her school work, but with her erratic friends, she never knew. After sneaking out from Lindsey's hold of her early in the morning, she headed back to her dorm, taking in the gloomy weather the season offered. The crispiness in the air gave rise to goosebumps all along her pale arm, causing her to reflect on how real everything suddenly felt. The events that unfolded the night prior just seemed so wild, how could Lindsey fall in love with her so quickly? Did she feel the same? What about her apparent crush on Ms. Clement? And lastly, who the hell took her jacket?

With that train of thought, she pulled out her phone and quickly called Emy, wanting to distract herself from the coldness that was slowly invading her body as her trek back to her dorm felt much longer than it normally did.

"Hello? What's wrong, why are you calling me this early?" Clearly Emy was rudely awakened by the phone call, but Tegan knew deep down her friend didn't mind much at all. This isn't the first-time Tegan has been her wakeup call, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Good morning Sunshine. I just left Lindsey's. It's fucking freezing out, somebody must've took my jacket last night when they left. I need someone to know my whereabouts in case I drop dead from hypothermia."

"Mmm, it couldn't have been that good of a night then, eh? Why'd you leave so early?" Tegan could hear the rustling of Emy slowly getting up from bed and walking around.

"It was fine, when I come back to the dorm I'll explain it all. Tell me what you and Hunter did after she kicked you guys out.

"I gotta think about that actually, I was still sorta buzzing when that all went down. We took all your gear back up and dropped it off in your room. I left your key under your mat I think. I don't remember seeing your jacket though." Tegan could hear Emy closing and opening drawers, presumably getting dressed.

"After that we went to Taco Bell to grab food and we saw Johnny sitting out on the steps by his place. Him and Hunter talked while I sat in the car, they seemed pretty chill. I'm almost positive I passed out in his car at that point because I have no clue what happened after that, and now I'm back in my room." A loud thud on the other end startled Tegan.

"Shit, Emy! Are you okay?"

"Well shit, it's a good thing you called me I guess, they're doing room checks before we leave for break. I gotta hide my stash good this time. Jenn gave me a warning when she was in here a few nights ago. She said she could smell it from the other side of the room."

"Emy, I was there when it happened! You were so high you bribed her so she wouldn't confiscate your shit."

"Oh my god! I've literally been looking all around my room for that money, dude. Hope she spent it on something nice. Maybe I should quit smoking…." Both her and Tegan burst into laughter. "I'm just fucking with ya. But yo, for real, I should invest in those Stink Sack things, they supposedly help with containing the smell."

Tegan chuckled, loving how no matter how much, or how little sleep Emy has gotten, she would start rambling on and get Tegan's mind off her most prominent issues. Just as Emy was finishing up her stream of consciousness, Tegan noticed a car nearing her, flashing its lights and slowing down. She felt uneasy about it, but maybe it was just someone out of town needing directions. But what an odd way to get her attention.

"Hey Em, some car is pulling up, I'm gonna put my phone down, but can you stay on the line please?"

"Oh, yeah sure thing. Let me know what's happening."

The car rolled up to where Tegan was standing on the curb. The teen was visibly tense from the cold, but the skepticism of the person in the car didn't help either.

"Well good morning Ms. Quin," the owner of the car said as the window rolled down. The melodic voice rang a familiar tune in Tegan's ears, but she couldn't put a face to the recollection.

She knelt down to peer into the car and was shocked to see Sara. "Oh, good morning Ms. Clement. You sorta freaked me out back there, hold on one second, I have to tell my friend you weren't some crazy axe murderer out to get me."

"Hey Em, it was just Dr. Clement, I'm all good. I'll call you when I get back to the dorm, alright?"

"Ohh," Emy sang out, "get that shit girl! Or don't, live your life. Call me and I'll let you up when you get here, bye!"

Tegan was blunt with her goodbye, feeling the crimson blush on her face rise after Emy's obvious taunt directed towards her. She stooped back down and let her arms rest on the open window of her TA's car.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you you'll catch a cold with no coat on in this kind of weather, little girl?"

The shock on Tegan's face was not easily masked, as she was completely taken aback by the odd remark. "Little girl? I'm almost a hundred percent sure I'm both taller and stronger than you Ms. Clement."

"What a bold statement, Ms. Quin." The professors smirk grew as she thought of a witty comeback, "You don't know what I do during my free time, maybe I'm secretly a CrossFit trainer, you know, with all the excess free I time I get with being in a doctorate program." Sara laid the sarcasm on thick, making Tegan laugh, which soon turned to teeth chattering as a gust of wind reminded her why she needed a distraction in the first place.

Sara tutted at Tegan's state. "Why don't you let me give you a ride? You honestly look pitiful right now, no offense. And I promise, I'm not a crazy axe murderer."

Tegan gave a wide grin, and nervously tapped on the window frame of the car. "Are you sure? I'm sure you have somewhere to be."

"No, no, I was just running out to get some coffee. Some company wouldn't hurt." Sara gave a slight smile, which grew even wider when Tegan obliged and got in the car.

"Thank you, I was just heading back to the dorms, I didn't realize the weather was gonna be this nippy."

"Ah yes, who would have thought that the start of Winter in Canada would be, what's the word you just used? Nippy? Baffling really, I thought I signed up for palmy days in a summer like breeze when I took this job."

"Alright, alright. I see your point." Tegan tried restraining her laughter, not wanting to let the other woman know just how amusing she was to her.

They made their way down the main strip of the town square, where the streets with littered with amber leaves and premature Christmas decorations every so often. The teen fidgeted in her seat, trying to slyly adjust her hair and clothes, forgoing that earlier in the morning when she left Lindsey's apartment. The professor cleared her throat when Tegan kept fidgeting with her hair, trying to get that perfect scruffy look.

"So, I take it you went out and partied last night after your set? Living like a real rock star, I dig it."

"Oh gosh, no. I think my friends live vicariously through that mentality though." Sara chuckled at that, giving Tegan the confidence to reveal more about her personal life. "All my friends loooove to party, but I can't really keep up with all that, with school and the whole music thing, it just gets in the way. Anyways, because of their love to party, some drama went down, and I had stay at my friend's house to calm them down."

"Still doesn't quiet explain your disheveled state, but hey, that's none of my business." The TA smugly shrugged her shoulders, but Tegan quickly became defensive, "Oh gosh, it was nothing like that. There was just some crazy people there, who were so far from sober it was scary. I think some dude that has beef with me took my jacket, out of spite. And like I said, my friend was a mess last night, so I had to stay up all night dealing with her emotional self, and ended up sleeping on the world's smallest couch. That a better explanation?"

"Mm, plausible enough, so I'll take it." The woman gave Tegan a cheeky grin. The rest of the ride Tegan mindlessly hummed to the pop songs on the radio station and would direct her subtle gaze towards Sara. For the first time ever, Sara was in normal clothes, looking as comfortable as could be in her oversized hoodie and dark sweatpants.

"What do you call this look? Not quite as flashy as your other outfits."

"Again, with you constantly judging my clothing. I was concerned the guys would be more of a problem this year drooling all over me, but yeesh young lady, you really don't mind making it obvious."

"Alright Kayne, bring the self-righteous back down a little, eh?"

"You're right, you're right, humility goes a long way. But this outfit is brought to you by my collection of 'needing to do laundry.' Quiet hip, right?"

"Honestly, why do you talk like you're an actual grandpa? I get your English is your thing, but your only like 5 years older than me. I gotta expose you to more lingo, before you start going to bed at 8 watching the evening news.

"Don't harass the elderly, didn't your mom ever tell you that? And what's wrong with having a good sleep schedule, we can't all be rock stars."

The two walked into the coffee shop, bumping into one another, teasing each other endlessly until they realized all the stares they were getting from the other quiet coffee drinkers, who were also trying to enjoy their early Sunday morning.

"I'll pay, to make up for that croissant you gave me last night. Also, to maintain that rock star image, you know?"

The two sat and sipped on their coffee with another, until a steady stream of hungover college students began to intrude on the peaceful atmosphere the shop offered. "Now seems like a good time to head out, tell me which dorm you live in and I'll drop you off."

"Thank you very much, its greatly appreciated. It was nice spending this morning with you by the way. I think it helped turned my weekend around, for the better."

"Awh, don't think by schmoozing me you're gonna get out of presenting your project this week. But I enjoyed this morning, too. Maybe this will boost my street cred with the rest of the students."

"Ugh, okay grandpa. Using me to gain popularity, I see." They both chuckled before Tegan noticed them approaching her dorm, and who quickly sent a text to Emy letting her know. "Oh, right here works. I can walk through the back entrance, it's okay. And again, thank you very much."

"Oh, no problem. But uh," the professor looked down, breaking their steady eye contact, as she put the car in park "would you mind if I took a picture of you, Tegan?"

"Huh? Of me? I mean I guess, but like…yea sure, just tell me how to uh, pose or whatever." She nervously laughed.

"Yeah, just stand in front of that tree right there, I love the colors of the leaves right now, it sort of matches the golden hazel in your eyes. I won't keep you out here long, I know it's cold."

Tegan shuffled near the tree, wrapping her arms around her cold body, as Sara searched in her car for the camera. Tegan blatantly checked out her professor, unable to ignore her obvious attraction to the other women, feeling a little shame that Lindsey had an inkling of the relationship they were developing.

"Alright, do you mind if I adjust your pose just a little?" Sara asked, looking through the finder in her camera.

"Uh yeah sure," Tegan felt tense, knowing Emy was going to give her shit if she saw this, and realizing that other students had to be aware of how obvious Sara was being with her.

Sara approached her, gently brushing away the hair from Tegan's eyes, and using her knuckles to push Tegan's jaw up, all the while eyeing her up and using her other hand to pull Tegan's arms away from her body to let them rest at her sides, "Just like that," the professor said all but whispering into her ear.

Tegan felt a shiver run down her spine as Sara left her space, leaving her body feel encumbered by the cold again. Sara quickly took the shot, and let Tegan know it was all she needed. "Thank you, see you in class tomorrow."

Tegan gave a quick nod and ran to her dorm after watching Sara head off. As she neared the door, she could see Emy's shit eating grin widen as she opened the door for her freezing frame.

"Please, don't ask."


	8. More for Me

The two ventured up to the second floor of their old dorm, Tegan sensing Emy’s eagerness to find out what was happening between the TA and her. She looked underneath her welcome mat in front of her door, surprised that her friend was cognitive enough last night to remember to put the key back. She opened the door, and was hastily pushed in by a squealing Emy. 

“Jesus, I’m dying over here! What the hell was happening out there?”

Tegan quickly surveyed her room, making sure her amps and guitars were all where they should be. “Sit down, I gotta fill you in on so much.” They made themselves comfortable. Luckily Tegan was smart enough to buy out her room at the beginning of the semester, meaning no roommate for her, and ample space to entertain friends in the otherwise compact room.

“So, I’ll catch you up on last night first. Lindsey totally flipped over Rob’s whole spiel. Or at least, that’s what I thought before you guys left. Turns out, the only reason she was upset was because she thought me and Sara were sleeping together. It sort of irritated me that she believed Rob, who was high off his ass, and obviously has something against me, rather than take my word for it.”

“That is weird, but you know her. She’s always been a little more emotional than the rest of us, she gets attached super easy, too, from what I can tell.” Emy exaggeratedly sprawled out across the extra bed in the room,” I’m not entirely surprised she got so upset, I told you she had the hots for you man.”

“Yeah, it goes a little bit beyond attraction for her evidently. She told me she was in love with me,” Tegan stated, looking at Emy’s shocked expression.

“She told you that? Like clearly stated she had feelings for you and everything? You’ve only known each other for what? Four months? She was dating someone for two of them!”

“Yuuuup. I was equally as confused. She got super defensive when I started questioning her about it, too. I don’t know man, it was just a lot to take in on one night.” 

“I fucking bet, did you guys establish what you are? You didn’t sound very happy this morning, but then again you stayed the night, so…” Emy shrugged to express her confusion.

“Yeah, sorta I guess,” Tegan got up and started putting away her guitars as she explained, happy that she was venting about all this drama to someone who wasn’t also trying to hit on her. 

“I told her that I was attracted to her. And that I wouldn’t mind trying to date and all that, but I sure as hell didn’t say I was in love with her.”

“Be honest, do you think you guys will end up being official? Oh, and what did you tell her about Sara, I saw you guys out there this morning. I would say you two are getting a little close, huh.” Emy quirked her eyebrows. 

“I could see us dating, for sure. Lindsey, that is,” Tegan made sure to clarify when she saw Emy’s eyes shoot up in response. “Hell, I fantasized about it up until last night to be honest. She just sorta scared me off with dropping that bombshell on me. And I told her I was attracted to Sara, I wasn’t going to lie and dig myself a deeper grave. But Sara’s a professor basically, she works for the school, so I agree with you. I felt a little weird out there when she was making me pose for her and people could see us together, but I don’t see anything going further than what it is. She would get fired, and I could get suspended if we got caught.”

Emy’s mischievous grin grew, “What? Why are you smiling like that?” Tegan asked, feeling scrutinized by her friend yet again this morning.

“So, you’ve thought about it, I see you Ms. Quin. So promiscuous, you make up for my lack of…well any action.” 

“Oh shut up, you could easily get some, you just chose to be a hermit. If you can get women to voluntarily pose for you, and naked on top of it, you clearly have some kind of charm. I’m telling you, hit up that Sarah girl, she seemed a little too eager to pose for you on such short notice,” she said nudging her friend, who shook her head in embarrassment. 

“Speaking of that, we have a mock run of our exhibit tomorrow night. Sort of like a sneak peek. We’re allowed to invite people, but it’s a of a black-tie event. There’s no admission charge, but you have to place a bid on at least one piece. Maybe that can be a good ice breaker for you and Lindsey’s first date?”

“Hell yeah man, that actually sounds perfect. I’m sure a few of her friends have pieces running too, so I’m sure she knows about it already. You said black-tie, is there a reason behind that?” Tegan questioned, running to her closet to make sure she had something with at least a collar, and a pair of black jeans that could pass as slacks.

“It’s basically like a fundraiser for next semester, so us artists can afford to get all the materials the school doesn’t provide us with, since they stopped funding our exhibits. I also think we’re doing it out of spite, to prove to that art can bring in just as much publicity and money as football and basketball.”

“Awesome, I’ll try and be your highest bidder, babe,” Tegan said winking at her friend.

“Shut up ass, I’m sure people will enjoy some of the stuff I’ve done so far this year. I mean, let’s be real, who doesn’t love a beautiful naked woman on an almost life size canvas?”

“Alright, alright, fair enough, just trying to be a supportive friend. But I’m gonna have to kick you out. I got project for Clements class due after break, I totally forgot we had to present our outline this week.”

“Fuck, that sucks. Alright, I’ll text you the details about the exhibit, and you can set something up with Linds. Bye nerd,” Emy said, shutting the door behind her, finally giving Tegan the peace and quiet she had longed for all morning.

Tegan settled into her desk, thinking of what she could quickly finish to present to her class the next day. Off the bat, Tegan knew she would do something music related, knowing that’s her best medium, and it would get her decent exposer if she could impress some of the students. Just as she finished pulling out all her notebooks and journals filled with unused lyrics and fleeting riffs to use for future songs, she got a text from another one of her classmates.

“What’s up Quin?” Her friend Dan asked. She found it quite eerie, she was just thinking about texting him and asking him if he wanted to do a little collaboration for this project.

“Nm dude. Trying to think of what to do for this project tomorrow. I was thinking about writing a song, but idk if I have the vocals for it.”

“No way! I was working on it, too. And you popped into my head. I have this melody stuck in my head, but no lyrics yet. Do you think we could convince Clement or Hubbert into lettings us preform together?”

“I’m sure I can, we all know how charming I am ;)”

“Awesome, mind if come over tonight and we can get this thing sketched out for tomorrow?”

“Sure thing dude, I’ll send an email to the professors right now, and start writing. Should be done when you get here.”

Tegan was ecstatic, knowing Dan had the perfect voice for what she wanted. She quickly sent an email to both professors in question and quickly got a response from Sara privately.

I love the idea of a collaboration. For full credit for the outline, no instruments/ performance is necessary quite yet. Write out tabs, show who contributed what, and  
give a brief explanation of why you chose this sort of project. Thank you for reaching out, have a nice evening.   
-SKC

The rest of the afternoon Tegan fiddled with the snippets of lyrics she had in her journals. A reoccurring staple she had in her writing was heartbreak, or rather the process of getting over lost love. She wanted to emphasize it, too, knowing that Sara had remembered her reflection on Shakespeare and is what ignited their mutual intrigue in one another. When Dan arrived later that night, Tegan snuck into Emy’s room to borrow from her stash, just enough to roll a joint and share between the two. Before lighting up, they laid out their ideas, and legibly wrote out the order they thought flowed best. Dan played the soft melodic line, and Tegan spoke the lyrics out, recording the run-through. 

“Alright, now you ready to get into it?” Tegan said with the quirk of her eyebrow, running to the window to open it, and lighting the joint.

“Only if you think you can keep up and handle all of this,” he said, belting out his burly laugh and handing Tegan his guitar after she took her first hit. The two puffed until it was down to a roach, which Dan happily obliged to finish.

“Alright, I’m gonna keep my camera going, cause I’m probably gonna forget all of this.”

Dan gave a calm nod, taking the lyric sheet into his grip, and standing up to get the best voice quality possible. Tegan tapped on the guitar to set the rhythm, and the felt the music until they thought they had a take they thought was good enough. 

The next afternoon their brief presentation was less than well-rehearsed, but gave their professors a good laugh. The two stumbled over each other’s words when trying to explain the process and meaning behind the minimal lyrics, their excitement getting the best of them. Dr. Hubberts was finally present in class and observed the interaction between the two, standing by Sara in the back of the room. The TA tried repressing her smile by covering her mouth with her fisted hand, noticing Dr. Hubberts sheer confusion when both teens started speaking at the same time, and pointing sporadically at the sheets of paper they had brought with. 

“Alright, alright. I’m actually blown away,” the professor laughed out with astonishment. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two students so excited for a class presentation. Whatever you’ve been doing with them Ms. Clement is amazing, keep it up,” he said winking at her as he released the class for the day. 

Tegan ran from the English building back to her dorm after giddily high fiving Dan and parting ways. She hastily changed outfits, finding the one black button up she had and slipping on a pair of black skinny jeans. She was hoping her worn red converse would be overlooked, or at least seen as a unique style choice. She sent a quick text to Lindsey saying she was on her way to pick her up. Luckily Hunter let Tegan use his car on such short notice, and said she could have it all night.

The two teens made conversation as they headed to the art center, talking about all the assignments they wished they hadn’t put off, and how they still probably weren’t going to do them until the night before anyway. Ever so casually, Lindsey slipped her hand into Tegan’s, resting on the gearshift of the car. Tegan cracked a shy smile and let the cheesy romantic playlist Hunter made for them fill the silence. 

When they arrived, Tegan tried to be as chivalrous as possible, opening the car door for her date and helping her out of the small sports car. This is when Lindsey finally noticed Tegan’s choice of clothing, teasing her about her ‘clown shoes,’ and how she never knew chucks could be worn in such a prim and proper way. 

The two were happily greeted by mutual friends of theirs, surprised by how much support this early showing was getting. Tegan quickly spotted Emy in the sea of people, naturally wanting to gravitate towards her, but resisted the urge, and opted to get to know Lindsey’s friends. For the most part she thought they were interesting, but she got the vibe that they didn’t really care for her. The few times she would interject in their conversation, she would get a hum or two, but no one really tried incorporating her outside of Lindsey. 

When Tegan was starting to feel her mood go south from the dejection, waiters began to cater to the guests, offering drinks and small appetizers. Tegan was starved, not having time in between her classes and getting ready to eat anything today. Through passing she heard there was an oyster bar and was intrigued, remembering she had only had them when she was out on the coast visiting her family. She grabbed Lindsey’s wrist when there was a lull in their conversation and led her to the food. Tegan grabbed a rather small shell, handed it to her date, and grabbed another for herself. She mockingly tapped them together, and slammed it back, not noticing Lindsey throw hers away.

“Ugh, I don’t know how you can eat those,” Lindsey said, watching Tegan grab another oyster off the ice tray. 

“What? They’re not that bad”

“I can’t eat them, they remind me of a guy coming in your mouth.” 

Tegan choked on the oyster, not wanting to spit the food out in such a public setting.

“Why would you say that?” Tegan asked, trying to subtly shove the food away from her as their interaction was drawing some attention from the other guests.

“You asked why I didn’t eat them, I told you why. Don’t get mad.” Lindsey quirked her eyebrow, enjoying tormenting Tegan.

“Well if that’s the case, you can kiss me, because you know what that tastes like,” Tegan’s smile was evident in her voice, unable to finish the statement without laughing. She started approaching Lindsey, who playfully pushed her away and used the aid of her friends passing by to get away from Tegan’s flirtatious approaches. 

Before trying to find her date, she went to the bar to grab drinks for them, and noticed Emy sitting alone. “Hey sport, why no mingling?” Her voice was loud, trying to talk over all the other chatter and music in the room, scaring her friend.

“Jesus Tegan,” she said clutching her heart. “I just needed a breather, someone just came up to me, some old guy, and said he wanted to buy my portrait for four grand. FOUR GRAND, TEGAN! I’m still fucking speechless. I made that piece in three weeks, I didn’t even want to put it in this show.”

“Are you kidding me Em? That’s not funny.”

“Tegan I’m dead serious,” tears were welling up in her eyes.

Tegan smashed Emy into her chest and gripped her as tight as she could, “Are you crying? Because I think I’m crying,” she took hold of her friends face between her hands, fighting back her own tears. “I’m so proud of you Em, but I don’t think I can outbid that.” Her friend repressed her laughter, for fear of letting her happy sob come through. The two were now both left speechless, staring at each other and taking in the moment.

They were interrupted by someone loudly clearing their throat, making Tegan retract her hands from her friends face and wipe the tears away from her own. The bartender handed Tegan her drinks, and Emy turned around and noticed a woman was staring from across the room. “Hey Tee, I think your girlfriend wants you.” She said pointing in the woman’s direction, Tegan gave a quick glance, and noticed Ms. Clement had shown up. “Fuck off, I’ve already told you, don’t joke about that shit. That’s the last rumor that needs to start going around. I’m fairly sure Lindsey would kill someone. Go say hi, I have to go back to my real date.”

She nudged her friend with her leg, and split ways when they reached Emy’s exhibit. Sara came with a larger group of women, who were all professors at the university as well. Sara excused herself momentarily, and met with Emy. 

“Hi, Dr. Clement, thank you for coming out tonight,” Emy boisterously said, sticking her hand out. Sara’s grin grew, “I get such a rush when people call me doctor,” she said winking at Emy. “Is this your exhibit? I just heard someone announce that one of your pieces has everyone else beat. Pretty impressive, young lady.” 

“Believe me, I still feel like it’s a dream. It’s the one right behind me that guy bid on,” the professor hummed in acknowledgment, and observed the piece. “How long did it take you to do this?” 

“Why, do you think it looks shitty?” Emy felt her ears turn red, knowing someone finally caught on to the fact that this piece was rushed.

“No, the opposite. Every stroke looks deliberate. And it feels…soft in a way? I know you specialize in graphic design, right?” Emy nodded, “I think you should consider painting, or even photography. Just to get another muse out of your art. This is absolutely beautiful Ms. Storey.”

“Would you like to make a bid, say, $4,000 and a quarter? I think then I would really understand your appreciation,” Emy also enjoyed the mindless joking that their young professor easily set herself up for. Sara gave a mocking laugh, “While that offer sounds oh so reasonable, I will have to pass. But I think me and you should keep this conversation going, come with me and grab a drink, those woman over there are driving me crazy.” 

“Aren’t they all in the English department too? It is like a rite of passage…Oh or is like a cult?”

Sara gave the teen a chuckle, “Yeah, they’re a bit clingy. Ever since I told them this is my first time living away from friends and family they haven’t let me spend more than a few days by myself. It’s sort of sad that talking to students is the highlight of my night with them.”

“Why so? I mean, are they not that interesting or…” Emy rested her forearms on the bar top, awaiting a response.

“They’re all lovely women. I agree with them in almost all ways of thinking, and I think that’s the issue. They’re also the most hetero group I think I’ve ever encountered, so it’s hard to adjust to that.”

Emy was shocked to say the least. She had her suspicions about the TA but never liked to admit to stereotyping people. Uncovering this deeply personal detail about the older women, who so casually spoke of it, gave her some reaffirmation that her own sexual orientation shouldn’t be something to be ashamed or unspoken of. 

“Wow. That’s awesome. That you’re out I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever met a teacher or professor who has ever explicitly said that. I’m sorry to focus on that, it’s just…awesome.” 

Sara looked at the brunette, sliding the drink she had ordered them towards her, giving her a smile. “Well I’m glad I brought it up then. I know it’s hard to come to terms with it and feel comfortable with the label. University should expose students to all backgrounds and ways of life, and while I’m not saying it should be used to challenge students or make anyone uncomfortable, I feel as though I’m secure enough to share that part of my life with everyone.”

“You’re so cool. I get it now.” Sara’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. 

“What is there to get?” She said, nervously tapping on her glass.

“Do you mind if I let you in on some of me and my friend’s drama, specifically regarding you?”

Sara’s nervousness was evident, she felt a chill run down her spine, hating that students were talking about her, and feeling scrutinized by someone a fraction her age. She nodded, but was hesitant to hear what the school was saying about her.

“It’s not anything crazy, so relax, it looks like someone shoved a ruler up your ass. Or do you prefer the word bum? I know how you English majors are.” Sara let out a big huff, relaxing her shoulders and taking gulp out of her heavily poured drink. 

“I think everyone has such a strong opinion about you because of how unashamed you are with everything you talk about. You’re very self-assured, and for a good reason, I mean you’re basically running our class now with no direction from the guy who made the curriculum. That alone proves that you can fend for yourself.” Emy cleared her throat, trying to think of a way to sugar coat her next sentence, “Cocky is too harsh of a word, but I’ve heard it used more than once to describe you. Now, this is where the juicy bit comes in.”

Emy leaned in closer, causing the TA to do the same, feeling like she was taking part in middle school drama. 

“Your confidence is alluring. Your way of speaking is beautiful, and you always express concern for student’s well-being, which is like an unheard-of thing for professors. But between me and you, I think some people misinterpret that, and take it as an advance towards them. From what I can tell, most students glorify the interactions they have you, warping it into this kind of scandal of ‘Oh, she likes me more than everyone else, she listened to my sob story and patted my back and called me sweetie.’ I’m not saying that you had to act emotionless, and refrain from talking to students like that, but I think a lot of drama is caused by students wanting to act like their relationship with you goes beyond professional. And it stems from you having this mysterious and poetic nature about you, so students take these small bits of you they uncover, and think waaay to deep about everything that was done or said.”

Sara felt her heart drop. She felt betrayed by the students who thought she had helped along the way, feeling like her connections with them was used to exploit her. “Why would people say that? I talk to students because that’s my job, I’m not paid to be a hermit and avoid people. I live in this town, I hold extended office hours, and come to student events to get to know everyone better. I don’t do it with perverted malicious intent behind it all. If I see a student walking in the cold with no coat, of course I’m going to help. Or if I see a student in the halls crying on the phone, I’m not going to ignore it and walk by.”

Emy was shaking her head in agreement. “I understand, but you know how people are with schools like this this. Someone thinks they saw something, and it gets through the grapevine and gets completely unraveled. Small gossip between friends isn’t meant to hurt, but when it gets passed around for days, or weeks, eventually it becomes something entirely else.”

“I can see that. Thank you for letting me know about the reputation I’ve been building around here. I should be more aware of how my interactions are being received.”

“I think for the sake of your own job and reputation you should just refrain from being as personal as you have been lately. I think it would be unfair for something so petty as a rumor of a student relationship with you to end a career you have worked this hard for.”

Sara hummed in response, and stood up from her spot at the bar, “Thank you, Ms. Storey. I’m going to head back to my friends. It was lovely chatting with you, and I will be sure to make a bid on one of your pieces.” She went to go squeeze the teen’s shoulder, but hesitated and went for an awkward pat on the back instead, and left with no time for the teen to respond. 

Emy felt at fault for her professor’s sudden change in demeanor, but she couldn’t help but warn the professor of her questionable relationship with her best friend and how others were beginning to notice. She grabbed the rest of drink, and walked back to her exhibit, needing to distract herself with idle conversation about her art to pick up her own mood. 

Tegan was dreading the rest of the night with Lindsey’s friends. After returning with drinks for them both, she was badgered by the others for not extending the offer. Lindsey hushed them and apologized for how rude her friends were being. Lindsey grabbed her hand, giving her some comfort that she wasn’t embarrassed to be with her. 

As the group went on critiquing everyone else’s work, Tegan had to pull herself away from the negativity. If she heard anyone speak of Emy’s exhibit, she was sure to lose her cool, so she opted to leave while she still had some self-control. 

“Hey, Tegan,” Lindsey said pulling on her arm, “why don’t we get out of here?” Whispering into her dates ear.

“Yeah, I think that would be good.” The two said their goodbyes and quickly headed back to the dorm, Tegan thought hopefully to salvage the night.

The two hurriedly ran into the building, hating how the cold weather made it near impossible to comfortably stroll outside now. 

“Fuck this cold, my feet are freezing.” Tegan rushed to her room, chattering along the way.

“No need to be so grumpy, I’ll make us some hot chocolate or something and we can warm up.”

The two settled into the room, Lindsey giving her date space to relax and warm up. She made them their drinks, and thought to garnish it with whip cream, which she found hidden in the back of Tegan’s fridge. 

“Ohh, what do we have here? Is there some sort of ulterior motive?” Lindsey sauntered over to Tegan sitting on the edge of the bed, hiding the bottle behind her back, and sitting on her lap. She forcefully pushed her back on the bed and sprayed the sweet cream all over her face. Tegan shrieked in surprise and protest, only to be met with more sprayed into her mouth. 

Lindsey’s laughter filled the room, making Tegan forget and forgive the fact that their night didn’t turned out quite as planned. Lindsey hummed in approval when she thought she had thoroughly covered her dates face. Tegan tried licking away all the excess she could reach, but noticed Lindsey’s hold on her restricted her arms.

“What are you doing?” 

Lindsey’s mischievous smile made Tegan’s heart flutter, which only increased when the blonde attacked her face with playful licks. “Gross! Stop! You’re not a dog!” Tegan thrashed against Lindsey’s hold, but her own laughter weakened her. 

Tegan’s breath hitched when Lindsey’s actions reached the pulse point on her neck. Tegan sighed, and told the blonde to stop. Concern was etched across her dates face, who quickly let go of her and stopped her actions. 

“Let me wipe my face off, please. It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying it, but this stuff is sticky as all hell.” She said it with a smile on her face, to let Lindsey know she really was enjoying it.

She sat back down on the bed after wiping her face off, and handed the blonde a mug of hot chocolate.

“Hey Linds,” she cleared her throat and waited until the blonde made eye contact with her, who hummed in response. “Thank you for sticking with me tonight. I know your friends aren’t the biggest fans of me, but I appreciate you trying to introduce me to them and all that. But I just liked being with you,” she set her mug down away from the bed and shuffled her way closer to the blonde. 

“You always get so sentimental when you get sleepy.” She set her mug down too and wrapped her arms around the brunette, letting her rest on top of her chest, “I’m not letting you fall asleep right now though, you need to keep me awake so I can finish this documentary for my history class.”

The two moved up to the front of the bed, Tegan refusing to detach her body from Lindsey’s. The blonde reached around the bed to grab a pen and paper and jot down notes on the long and boring video. Tegan took something similar class in high school and wanted to summarize the video up, her mind thinking of far more entertaining things to do than this, but kept getting hushed whenever she would interject. 

She gave up on speaking, and settled on just relaxing until the video was over. She rested against Lindsey’s chest, listening to the subtle rhythm of the blonde’s heartbeat, and the calm steadiness of her breath. Her smile grew when every now and then a soft stomach gurgle would make itself known. Lindsey would clutch her stomach with her hand, feeling self-conscious of the noise. 

Tegan acted as if she hadn’t noticed, not wanting to further any embarrassment, and the other teen went on writing her notes. When the noise happened again, Tegan shushed it, and kissed Lindsey’s stomach. She continued writing, but gave a huff to recognize what Tegan was doing, making the teen curious as to what it would take to finally distract her. 

She slyly lifted her dates shirt, only to expose her hip bone, acting as if her stretching had done it. She reached for the hem of the shirt to pull it down, but instead traced the prominent feature. She looked up at Lindsey, unresponsive to the touch. She finally moved her body off Lindsey’s and twisted their legs together, bringing her body flush against the blonde’s, with her chest resting on Lindsey’s lap, allowing her to put her lips against the exposed skin on Lindsey’s hips. Her breath was hot, and her tongue left goosebumps all over the stomach of her date, who rolled her hips up to meet the sensitive touch of Tegan’s tongue. 

Again, she looked back up, yet Lindsey still had her eyes trained on the tv in front of them, but finally had put the pen and paper down. She continued her teasing kisses on the soft skin in front of her, grabbing the waistband of her pants with one hand and running her finger underneath it ever so lightly, while her other hand pushed the shirt further up the blonde’s body. She racked her fingers down her ribcage, and moved her kisses to follow the light touches she was tracing against her waistline.

A sharp intake of breath caught her attention. Lindsey had her head thrown back against the pillow with her eyes tightly shut. Her two arms laying at her side were clutching the comforter, making Tegan’s wicked grin grow, as well as her own desire. 

Her kisses were now turned into long strokes of her tongue against the heated skin of Lindsey’s lower stomach. The restrained rising of Lindsey’s hips aided in Tegan pulling her pants down, as they were becoming more of a burden. Tegan still aimed to tease, unbuttoning and unzipping the seam painfully slow. As she finished unzipping, she also moved her other hand further up to expose Lindsey’s bra and flush chest. 

“Tegan, what are you doing?” The need evident in her voice, sounding raspy and short. Her breathing was chaotic, as if she were struggling to suppress any other sounds that threatened to come out of her mouth. She took Tegan’s hesitation as a chance to grab the back of the brunette’s head and pull her up to her face, allowing for their lips to finally meet. 

Her lips were soft, and the kiss was gentle, but quickly grew needy. Tegan could smell and feel the minty chap stick rub off onto her lips, loving the tingling sensation it left. Lindsey let out a soft whimper when Tegan’s hands had roamed back to her waistband and pushed down the thin underwear she was wearing, teasing the area, and pinching the inside of her thigh.

Lindsey raised her arms above her head, to let Tegan rid her of her shirt, and hastily unclasped her own bra, letting her chest perk up. Tegan was speechless, in awe, and stopped her teasing altogether. She stared at Lindsey’s chest, and back up to her doe like eyes. 

“Can I touch you?”

Lindsey bit her lip, feeling bashful for being so exposed, while Tegan had not removed even a sock yet. She nodded in response when she felt the brunettes hand slowly trail over her center and back on top of her underwear. She roughly grabbed the back of Tegan’s neck, and let her lips and tongue roam over Tegan’s own. She could faintly taste the sweet whip cream and chocolate they had, and felt like she had never trusted anyone more with her body. 

“Take off your pants,” Lindsey rushed her sentence in between kisses, wanting to feel as close to Tegan’s body as she could. She helped her unbuckle and unzip, laughing as Tegan awkwardly tried kicking off the pants without taking her hands-off Lindsey’s body. 

With the aid of Lindsey’s own legs, the pants were kicked off and thrown across the room, and the two stared at each other, realizing how quickly this all had happened. Tegan let her soft kisses caress the blonde’s midsection until she reached one of Lindsey’s perky breasts. She left gentle nips and kisses on it, watching it harden and loving how with each small tug, Lindsey’s hips would rise to meet her own in response. 

The hand that was once tangled in Tegan’s hair was now unbuttoning the brunette’s shirt, and pulling at it to rid it off her body. Tegan complied and threw her sports bra on top of it.

“Now we’re equal.” Lindsey grinned, but still felt shy, never having done such a deed with anyone with all lights on and both being completely sober. 

As the two made eye contact, Tegan pushed her hand into the blonde’s underwear, and let her digits make small soft circles on her bud. 

Lindsey hissed, not expecting the sudden stimulation, and grabbed Tegan’s hand to slow her movements. Tegan stopped, and looked with confusion and concern in her eyes. 

“No, no, it’s okay…let me show you,” she covered the hand that was in her panties, and made Tegan dip down to feel the wetness that was already there from this light teasing and touching. She guided the hand back up and down between her slit, and let go. 

Tegan continued her motions, using her hips to help push back Lindsey’s own, and giving her some friction as well. She slipped the underwear further down the blonde’s leg, and let her fingers dip into Lindsey’s core, moaning at how hot the sight and feeling were. Lindsey shut her eyes in response, stroking Tegan’s back with one hand, and grasping at her bum to continue with the other. 

Her fingers were gentle at first, but picked up their pace when Lindsey’s gentle strokes turned to sharp scrapes all along her back. She used her own hips to help push deeper into her, and loved the feeling of the palm of her hand hitting her own clit. She bent down to kiss and suck on Lindsey’s neck when she felt small convulsions start to build.

“Fuck Tegan, don’t stop,” Lindsey rasped, breathing heavy and clutching at anything she could grab on to. Tegan moved her thumb, using it to rub stronger circles onto the swollen bud, and adding a finger to fill her even more. Her licks and sucks along the blonde’s neck led to her whispering dirty nothings into her ear. 

Just as Tegan began to move the blonde’s leg further up to go deeper, she felt Lindsey’s core tighten around her fingers, and her body tense. She kept going with softer movements, until Lindsey’s breathing returned to normal. It felt like the blonde all but broke her hand when she tightly gripped it to stop the movement. 

Lindsey let out a content sigh which quickly turned into the two laughing, tired and sweaty after their activities. “Come here,” the blonde pulled Tegan into a sweet and enchanting kiss, and soothingly rubbed her back.

“Do you think that was included anywhere the video?”

“Shut up,” the blonde said with laughter in her voice and pinching at Tegan’s cheeks. The two cuddled up on the bed, and draped their nearly nude bodies with the comforter, finally feeling warm and comfy on the otherwise nippy night. 

Lindsey was lulled to sleep by the monotonous drone of the narration going on in the video. The brunette was mesmerized by the beauty of her, examining every inch of skin she could until she herself fell asleep feeling the relief of the night take her away.


	9. Time Running

“Jesus Christ!” Tegan shot up when she felt the sudden rush of cold water hitting her face. “What the fuck,” she screamed as she wiped away the wetness and grasped around the bed looking for anything to dry off with. 

Lindsey was snickering, already dressed, looking ready for the day. “What time is it,” Tegan questioned in a panic.

“It’s not that late, only 6:30.” Tegan groaned in response, knowing her day was going to be shit after being this rudely awakened. She couldn’t even get comfortable again after the water had soaked her pillow. “But I figured if I had to be up this early for my history class, I might as well make you join in on the fun too.” 

Tegan couldn’t help but side-eye the blonde, too tired to suppress her irritation. “What the fuck Lindsey? I don’t have class until 10, and now I have to dry my fucking…everything! Even my mattress is wet.” She stood up from the bed, forgetting how she had fallen asleep the night before, and quickly threw on whatever shirt was lying on the floor. Her face felt flush, and her heart hammered in her chest, but for all the wrong reasons this time. 

“Don’t be such a grump, I just thought it was funny!” After not getting a response, she changed to a new subject, “Did you know you talk in your sleep? At first I thought it was cute, but you really are a motor mouth. Even when you are sleeping.” The blonde tried joking with the frazzled teen, but just didn’t get the hint how much this had crossed a line. The blonde prodded her again, repeating her question as Tegan stripped her bed and threw everything in a pile to hastily dry before class.

“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry if it woke you.” Her response was blunt and harsh. No humor was to be found in her voice. 

“Alllright. Well, I’m gonna head to class. Hope you have a good day,” the statement rang with a bitter tone, and with that Lindsey left the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving Tegan feeling far too overstimulated for this early in the morning. She collapsed on her stripped bed once the door was closed, repressing the tears that wanted to escape. 

Everything had hit her in that moment. Why did she sleep with Lindsey? Why did she think it would all resolve all her problems? Did she even love her? Why was she such a bitch? Was she really a bitch? Where the fuck was Emy, and why wasn’t she here to help her? She grabbed a pair of shorts from her drawer and grappled the mass amounts of blankets and sheets she had, and headed into the hallway to throw them in the dryer. As she stumbled through the dorm, girls rushing to class gave her questionable looks but continued on their way, only fueling her humiliation. 

She needed to talk to Emy, and at this point, didn’t care about how disheveled she looked. She pounded on the door, feeling little sympathy if she was waking her friend. 

“I SWEAR TO GOD TEGAN,” even though a solid wood door was blocking their path, the declaration was ringing as sharp as ever in Tegan’s ears. The door was ripped open, and a brooding Emy stood in its place. “What the fuck could you want this early in the morning?”   
Tegan’s emotions got the best of her, and her tears slowly fell down her face, instantly taking the anger and spite out of Emy’s tone. “Oh honey,” Emy cooed, pulling her into her room and closing the door behind her. “Please don’t cry! I didn’t mean to yell at you like that,” she knelt by Tegan who had taken a seat on her friend’s bed.

“It’s not that,” Tegan managed to choke out between sobs. She had to refine herself, but the gentle and reaffirming caresses from Emy made it hard to stop the feelings from flooding her thoughts. She let herself be held by Emy until the tears lessened, and she felt the anxiety leave her body. Embarrassment was evident, as she felt horrid staining her friend’s shirt with her tears. 

“I’m so sorry about that,” she said grossly wiping away the tears, and making space between their two bodies. “Everything is just fucked right now, Em. I’m so lost, and I fucked up so bad last night.”

Tegan tried her best to recompose herself, fixing her hair, and straightening her clothes, which clung to her body after her sob fest made her hot and sweaty. “So, you know how me and Lindsey came back here after the exhibit?”

Emy’s eyes were wide, already having a hunch as to where this conversation was going. She nodded quickly and almost comically as she wanted Tegan to just spit it out. 

“We joked around for a little bit, and she put on some boring documentary. I don’t know what clicked in my brain, but I just wanted her… like that, you know,” as she continued, she had to look away from her friend, feeling embarrassed and ashamed with how gross she may have seemed. “So, we kissed, or…whatever the details don’t matter, but we fucked. It was so rushed, and so not what I expected. I’m sorry, I feel so stupid,” and again the tears slowly slid down her face. 

Emy couldn’t stand the sight of her friend crying, her mind splitting, initially wanting to beat the shit out of Lindsey for leaving her best friend like this, while also wanting to be the rock that Tegan deserved. “Did she hurt you? Tegan, if she pushed you to do anything, I will kill her. That’s not okay,” Tegan just shook her head, raking her hands through her hair as she recounted the night in her head.

“She didn’t do anything like that. I was the one that initiated it, I was the one that fucked up.”

“I’m so lost Tegan, why do you feel like you fucked up? It’s okay to sleep with people, you and I both know that. Did she say something to you?” Tegan checked the clock, mentally debating on even going to classes today, feeling drained from everything going wrong in her personal life.

“It’s the fact that I felt nothing Em! I fucked her. I’m so drawn into this girl based on her body and looks,” she had to cut herself off, needing to collect her thoughts. Emy sat on the opposite side of her bed, finally taking in Tegan’s whole appearance. 

“Also, why the fuck is only half your head wet? And your shirts all fucked up too.”

“Jesus, so listen to this. I guess she has a super early morning class, so she got ready while I was still sleeping. Maybe she thought it was a funny joke, or just wanted to play around with me, but she fucking dumped water all over my face this morning to wake me up! I thought I was drowning.” Emy didn’t know whether to laugh or to call up this girl and tell her to fuck off. “What the fuck,” was the only thing she could say.

“So, that was fucking awful. I woke up half naked, half my head soaked, my bed ruined, and this girl laughing at me. I’ve never felt so small in my life. It was such an awful feeling, and on top of all of that, she got upset with me for not wanting to joke around afterward, and stormed out of my room! What the fuck is that shit?” 

Emy was baffled, knowing she should’ve trusted her gut feeling about this girl and warned Tegan. “I’m so sorry. Why was she such a bitch to you? I don’t understand that at all.” Tegan shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to open that can of worms.

“Can I ask you something, and please don’t get mad at me,” a playful glimmer was in Emy’s eyes, making Tegan hesitant to answer, never knowing what her chaotic friend would say next. She slowly nodded her head yes, and Emy’s mischievous smile grew. 

“Was it good?” 

Tegan immediately took Emy’s pillow and hit her with all her force, leaping on top of the girl to jokingly smother her. “Your such an ass!” Her friend squealed underneath, trying to throw Tegan off her, but was only released once her friend took the pillow back and walked across the room to check the time again.

“Wow. So that was a lot to take in this morning, but thank you Em. You’re my bitch, you know that right?”

“Stop that sentimental shit, but also...get over here and hug me. We’ll get through this, I promise you.” They hugged it out, making Tegan’s conscience almost sigh in relief. Afterward, she jumped in the shower, and tried ridding the negative vibes that so harshly wanted to impact her feelings. She got dressed, wearing the comfiest clothes she had, and hurriedly grabbed her now dry sheets and blankets to cover her empty bed before class. 

The rest of her day went on as routine as possibly, but the annoying voice in the back of her head kept reminding her that she couldn’t avoid her problem forever. Walking through the English building, she wanted to check in and see if Dr. Clement had office hours, only to be surprisingly met with the TA unlocking her office. 

“Oh hi Ms. Quin, you can follow me in here if you’d like, I just have to set my things down and make some coffee. Very stressful day so far, but, how are you?”

The student followed the teacher into the room, watching her shuffle around the room, shoving papers here and there, and brewing the strongest coffee she could make. “I don’t mean to bother you Dr. Clement. I just wanted to talk to you, but I really don’t want to be a burden if you have things you need to get done.” She awkwardly fidgeted in the chair, debating on getting out of her seat and leaving to give the teacher space.

“No, no, a distraction from work would be good right now. I just got done with a board meeting that I had to sit in on for Dr. Hubbert and… it just didn’t go as planned. Needless to say, I’m a little tense as you can tell, so maybe some candid conversation will help.” The teacher filled up her mug with the darkest brew Tegan has ever seen, and looked over her shoulder to ask, “Coffee?”

Tegan respectfully said no, her nose wrinkling at the sharp smell told the teacher all she needed to know. She gave a small huff of amusement before sitting down.

“So, what brings you here, Ms. Quin? Last time we talked, you had a,” she tapped on her mug trying to remember the specifics, “I think you had a 96 in the class. If anything, it’s gone up because of how well your presentation went. Dr. Hubbert gave you and Dan extra credit for being so enthusiastic about it. I’m very proud of you both.” She gave a genuine smile before sipping at her dark brew.

“Well that has made my day significantly better,” the teen was pleasantly surprised that her academics were still surviving even though her personal life felt like it was hanging on by a thread. “I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff that’s been going on, and maybe you could give me some sage advice.”

Sara internally began to panic. Feeling anxiety bubble up as Emy’s warnings from the night before repeated themselves in her head. She nervously tapped on her mug, but nodded for the student to keep speaking. She starred down at the black cup of coffee, watching the hot steam evaporate into the air, doing anything to avoid looking at the teen. 

She listened to Tegan’s reduced story of feeling like someone was playing with her emotions, and not wanting to stick around for it, but also contradictorily feeling obligated to stay. Sara’s palms grew sweaty. The vagueness in which Tegan spoke made her nervous. There’s no way a student of hers would ever think this deep about a relationship they had with a professor, but Emy had said it was more than one student who has felt this way. She took one last big sip of the scorching brew, hissing at how hot it was. She cleared her throat and told Tegan that direct communication was necessary. 

“There’s no point in hiding behind passive words. I think the best thing would to be putting your feelings and concerns out and in the open with whoever this person is. If you truly feel like you want to be with them, that they will treat you right, and support you, tell them that something needs to change.” She looked, giving the student time to digest her words. “But on the opposite hand, if there is no trust, then you have every right to stop interacting with this person. You know who you are, and from what I can tell, you’re very secure about it. Which is amazing. Don’t let anyone ever take that away from you, Tegan.” 

Tegan began to blush, always feeling like Sara was able to see parts of her that no one else really tried to understand. “Thank you,” they stared at each other with bashful smiles, before a knock on the door startled them. Sara cleared her throat and stiffened her posture, “Thank you for coming in Ms. Quin, I hope everything goes smoothly.” Tegan nodded, and left the room with a smile adorning her face. 

The student standing outside the door gave Tegan a quizzical look, but took it as a good sign, assuming the TA must be in a pleasant mood.

As Tegan walked back to her dorm, rethinking the words Emy and Sara had said to her, she couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever she had with Lindsey was forced by her own will, trying to hide some other feelings she was trying to subdue. Was it just the chase she liked from Lindsey? Possibly, but she wanted to believe her feelings went deeper than that. 

Lindsey has constantly brought up that Tegan was too concerned about her sexuality. That being bi shouldn’t be a drawback to her, to which Tegan always agreed, saying it wasn’t fair of her to judge the blonde based on that. But something about Lindsey’s way of expressing her sexuality didn’t always sit well with her. The only interactions the blonde had had with other females was always sexual, never romantic. 

The blonde had so easily said she loved Tegan when she felt their ‘relationship’ was threatened, yet when the sexual interest was removed, a new side of Lindsey appeared, voiding all hints of compassion and care. She hadn’t even apologized for doing what she did to Tegan, nor did she send a text all day long, clearly showing she wasn’t on her mind. 

She thought about the butterflies she felt when Lindsey had let her stay that one night, and let her fall asleep with her on that couch. But again, the next morning she came to her senses, and ran out of the apartment after fully realizing how unpredictable the blonde was. 

And then there’s Dr. Clement. Sara. Always around at the right moment. How that worked out confused Tegan even more. 

She needed a drink is what she determined. She walked into her dorm, and tiredly drug herself up the stairs to her room. To her surprise, Emy and Hunter were in the hallway, probably arguing about something stupid, like the best way to drink coffee, which come up often with her caffeine obsessed friends. Their gestures were so animated, and Emy’s soaring voice made it hard not to crack a smile, even if the argument was serious. 

“Calm down there, sport.” Tegan said bumping the small of Emy’s back. “What’s going on you goofs?”

“Hunters being a dick. Some girl gave me her number in class, but I’m definitely not interested. Yet this asshole took my phone and texted her anyways!”

“Is she hot?” Hunter nodded, and the two high fived and prodded Emy until her face looked like it was about to implode from embarrassment. “Man, what is up with you Em? You have girls falling at your feet, why aren’t you pumped?”

The group followed Tegan into her cluttered dorm room, sprawling out wherever they could find room to sit. “There’s just no spark there. You know how when you first see someone, and you get that immediate rush? Or like the first time you speak to them, you can’t really think, right? Yeah, no. That hasn’t really happened with any of the girls that have tried flirting with me.”

“Has it happened at all?” Hunter had his suspicions that maybe Emy fancied Tegan, but was in very strong denial about it. “I guess. But I don’t know if I even want a relationship at this point in my life, sooo let’s just stop talking about it.”

Tegan and Hunter gave surprised looks to one another about Emy’s sudden irritated tone but dropped the subject. “Oh, shit Tegan! I got some bomb ass news. Dr. Porter booked us for her bridal shower coming up. I know that sounds strange, but she said a friend of hers saw us perform and was so blown away that she wanted to support us. Our first gig!”

“Hell yeah! That’s amazing news,” Tegan felt that same rush Emy had just been talking about, knowing exactly who recommended them and felt so thankful and proud of her and her friends hard work. Her day felt like it was turning around for the better, and left her in a cheery mood until her friends left to go finish their classes for the day. 

Tegan quickly sent a text to Lindsey, needing to get it done with, like ripping a band aid off. 

‘Hey Lindsey. Give me a call when you’re free, I want to talk about last night. Hope you had a good day.’

She sent the text, not realizing that the last part may come across as her mocking the blonde’s last words before she left. Whatever, what’s done is done. She also wanted to message her TA, and thank her for getting her and Hunter’s name out there. 

Good afternoon Dr. Clement, thank you for speaking with me earlier. Also thank you very much for spreading the word about me and Hunter. He said we got booked by Dr. Porter to perform a few songs at her bridal shower. 

You’re a very good reference to have Dr. Clement. You are making me realize my true passion for English, and just in general, you’re an inspiring person to be around.   
Have an amazing weekend,  
-Tegan Quin

As she sent that message, a text from Lindsey lit up her phone. 

‘Sure. Can I just come over? I’m just down the street.’ The blonde responded with.

‘Yea, I’ll let you in.’

So, Tegan sat, and all but twiddled her thumbs waiting for a reply from anyone, too scared to get into her own headspace and think about what she was going to say to Lindsey. Upon the blonde’s text, Tegan hustled down the hall to let the girl in, awkwardly asking how her day was and making the most meaningless small talk along the way back to her room. Tegan shut the door behind them, and heard Lindsey dramatically throw her backpack off her shoulders, thudding on the floor. 

Tegan’s body felt frozen, not wanting to turn around a face the girl in the room. She stared through the peephole in the door, acting as if that would somehow give her the confidence to speak. She gasped when she felt Lindsey’s grasp around her waist. Her body felt so frigid, she hated the discomfort that this girl brought her now, when only a day ago she would have been jumping for joy over such trivial contact. She lightly took hold of the blonde’s wrists, and held them in her own grasp as she felt the blonde rest her head on Tegan’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry Tegan. About this morning, I mean.” Tegan dropped her head, and nodded. She finally turned around, causing Lindsey to take a step back, and out of the brunette’s personal space.

She gave a small, disingenuous smirk in response to making eye contact with the girl before sitting on the edge of the bed, prompting the blonde to sit down too.

“Can you please speak. I feel like we’re so back and forth with all of this, Tegan.”

“What do you mean by that?” Tegan was surprised, maybe Lindsey was aware that this relationship is already a hot mess, and it hasn’t even been a full week. 

“It feels like when we start figuring things out, we take a step forward. And we’re good for a little bit, but then I say something, or you do something without any real intention behind it, and we take 3 steps back from it all.” Lindsey spoke the words with a sadness in her voice, possibly coming to the realization herself that her and Tegan might not be what she wanted them to be.

“Yeah. That’s what it’s felt like.” They made fleeting eye contact, before Tegan asked, “Can I ask you some things about last night?”

Lindsey had to look away, but nodded in agreement, not really knowing what Tegan wanted to talk about, but felt exposed in ways she had never felt with anyone before.

“Well, for starters, I hope it was all okay. And that if I made you feel uncomfortable at all, I’m very sorry. But um,” Tegan had to make sure what she was going to say next wouldn’t destroy the blonde. “Did…did you feel anything when we were doing… that?”

“What do you mean? I mean, I obviously felt good. And you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all. But I don’t know what you’re really asking.” 

This boosted Tegan’s confidence, albeit in a minuscule way, but still made her not feel as shitty. “That’s good. But, ugh! Why is this so hard to say?” She threw her body back on the bed, covering her face with her hands, muffling her next words. “Did you feel a spark at all? Did it mean anything to you?”

She sat back up on the bed when Lindsey didn’t respond, scared the girl had passed out from how quiet the room became. Lindsey’s brow was furrowed, staring at the ground, looking like her brain wanted to scream 3 different things at the same time. “Of course I felt something Tegan. I wouldn’t have just slept with you because it was there for the taking. I told you before, but maybe I just wasn’t as clear about last night or this morning. But I have feelings for you. Very strong ones in fact, so much so that I don’t even know what to say to you half the time because my stomach feels like it’s in my throat when I talk to you.”

Tegan’s heart sank hearing Lindsey speak those words, not knowing why she was expecting a different response. She mentally cursed herself out, hating that she didn’t feel the same way, and only viewed what they did as just a hook up, or meaningless sex, like something to fill the time. 

“I loved it Tegan. I have never trusted any like that before. What I did this morning wasn’t okay, I thought it would be funnier than what it was... and then I got embarrassed for doing that to you, so I freaked out and left. All day I’ve been thinking about that. I was too scared to text you because I thought you hated me, or just wouldn’t want to speak to me until you were ready.”

Lindsey rubbed Tegan’s back after the brunette had covered her face again and shook her head. Lindsey thought she was in disbelief that she was sorry, and pleaded for her forgiveness. “It’s okay Lindsey, it really is. I’m just more upset with myself, I’m not going to hold that over you, so please don’t worry.” 

Her soothing movements stopped when Tegan faced the blonde on the bed. “Can I ask you one more thing?” Tears started to build in her eyes again, like they had this morning. She fought it though, not wanting to show any weakness. Lindsey nodded, with sincerity. “Do you think me and you could ever work? I don’t want this relationship to be like how it is right now, where we both feel like we can’t even talk to one another without the other one having to breakdown.”

Lindsey nodded, agreeing that what they were building was far from a healthy relationship. “I think we need to slow down. Even if I enjoy how things are with us physically, I don’t think we are at the same stage emotionally to handle it. At least I’m not.” The blonde said, with a small tear making way down her face as she used a forced fake laugh to finish her statement. 

Tegan grabbed Lindsey to speak, “Okay, then let’s slow down. For real this time, yeah?” She pulled the blonde into a hug, this time being the person to sooth the other person’s worries. They sat and talked about both their days, the eventful yet uneventful drama that drove their classes forward. While they sat, and held each other, and took up each other’s personal space, they reserved their affection, wanting to build up like how a steady relationship should be. Eventually Tegan exclaimed that she had to pee, and all but ran out the door to Lindsey’s amusement.

As the brunette took care of her business, the laptop in her room chirped with a notification. Lindsey knew it all too well, fearing her own emails when they came in. She rushed to the desk to check if it was anything important, and was intrigued to find Dr. Clements name pop up. ‘Of course,’ she thought, scoffing at the notification, before opening the message herself and reading it. 

Good afternoon Tegan,  
I’m glad you stopped by today, it’s always an enjoyable experience to talk with you. I’m glad Dr. Porter reached out to you, I’m sure she’ll be just as blown away by your music as I was. 

Have a great weekend and enjoy this beautiful fall weather.  
-SKC

Lindsey was irritated by the message, even though nothing in it proved to be alarming. She just didn’t trust this teacher. As she finished reading the first message, another popped up, but this time with a file attached. Her heart sank to into her stomach reading this one,

Here’s the photo after I developed it. I think this would be a nice album cover; very poetic and sincere. Thank you very much for being my model, Tegan.

P.S. Tell Emy she should make use of her camera. I’m a great mentor if she needs one 

-Sara

‘What the fuck,’ Lindsey felt a pang of jealous hit her heart. This had to have crossed some kind of ethics code, right? Neither of the messages were all that scandalous, but it proved that there was something more to their relationship than Tegan was letting on. She almost forgot to back out of the messages before Tegan walked back in the room, which would have exposed her sneaky ways. 

“You okay Linds? I just asked you twice if you wanted to go grab something to eat?” Tegan laughed after she snapped the blonde out of her trancelike state. 

“Oh yeah, I’m down for food, why don’t we grab Emy and all them and meet at the dining hall? I’ll give them a call,” and she quickly headed out in the hallway, but stopped right before the door, “also check your email, it went off a few times when you were in the bathroom I think.”

“Oh, okay?” The sudden shift in mood from Lindsey was apparent, but the blonde was proving to be one of the moodiest person Tegan has ever met. Tegan looked through her messages, noticing they had already been opened. Both were from Dr. Clement, making her heart skip, embarrassingly so. As she opened the second, the photo of herself appeared on the screen. It made her feel self-conscious, ‘do I really look like that all the time?’ She thought to herself, fixing her hair while doing so. She read the message that came along with it, and felt flustered that her TA had used her real name. 

While a very minuscule detail, it was an unspoken rule between the two of them that in class, or any professional interactions meant always using last names. Using each other’s first names always felt much more personal, and usually meant that the Sara was talking to her as a person, not as a student. Tegan scolded herself for letting this minor detail hit her so deeply in her feelings. She quickly downloaded the file onto her laptop, and sent it to Hunter and Emy, asking if it would be a good idea to start putting a name and face to their music.

She hurriedly closed her laptop and ran out into the hallway, surprisingly met with her group of friends. Lindsey seemed to have gotten out of the funk she was in, and was all smiles as the group mingled over dinner. 

As the group loudly continued to give Emy shit about her flock of suitors, Tegan was reminded of what Sara had said in her message. “Oh shit, hey Em, Sar- I mean Dr. Clement messaged me today, and said that you should take up photography. She used to be all about that stuff, so I’m sure she’d be a great mentor if you needed help.” 

“Yeah, we actually talked about it at the gallery. I might look into it, I’m just not really sure if that’s my thing, but I’ll at least give it a shot.” Emy seemed nervous, Tegan noticed. Whenever she brought up the TA, which tried not to do as often around Lindsey, Emy always seemed to start tripping over her words. ‘Now that would be an interesting situation,’ Tegan thought. 

“Why would she be a good mentor?” Lindsey seemed skeptical of this conversation, and obviously pointed her question at Tegan. 

“Um,” Tegan raked in her brain, trying to think of an explanation that wouldn’t cause Lindsey to have another breakdown. “I went to visit her during her office hours’ a while ago about a grade, and in her room, there’s a ton of photos on the wall of different trees and scenery. I asked what it was all about, and it turns out she has a degree in photography. I was pretty impressed by it all.” 

“That’s cool I guess,” the blonde was cold in her response, but Tegan just took it as a distaste for the woman they were speaking about. 

“I loved the picture you sent us Tee,” Hunter had said after the blonde caused a lull in conversation. “Even though I’m not in the frame, I super dig the aesthetic of the picture. I think it sort of encapsulates our sound. I’m sure Emy could work her computer magic too, and we could release our EP and maybe start selling them? But question, who took the pic?”

Emy and Tegan made panicked eye contact with each other, cursing Hunter in both their heads. With their postures stiff, and tight smiles, Lindsey didn’t need any more proof that Tegan was trying to hide something. “Let me guess, Dr. Clement,” the blonde said with a trace of venom in her tone.

Tegan’s rosy cheeks gave away the answer, even if Lindsey hadn’t seen the actual proof herself. “It’s okay Tegan. It looks like you have a stick up your ass, relax” she reassured. Hunter lost it at that comment, breaking Tegan’s demeanor and causing an uproar of awkward yet necessary laughter in the group. 

They continued from there for the rest of the night, Lindsey trying to let her suspicions pass until she could directly ask Tegan’s friends if they knew anything about her interest and the teacher’s relationship. Tegan knew this was only going to turn into a shit show if her and Sara kept talking, but the draw she had towards this woman was something undeniable and almost impossible to ignore. The waft of strong, black coffee flooded her senses, and left her with a fleeting of sense of comfort, before finally coming back to reality and facing the struggles of her and her relentless hopeless romantic heart.


	10. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such the long break! I finished my 2nd year of university and immediately started working at the start of this summer. My creativity was tanked my entire second semester, considering I'm an English major, so I really had no desire to write anything for a bit. But luckily I have about a month left before I go back, and I plan on stockpiling some material so I don't have to leave you all on such a cliff hanger next time. I love all the responses from you all, and if anyone would like to make a recommendation or give any feedback, I'd love to hear it. Hope you have all been well, and enjoy!

Throughout the break, Tegan mindlessly meandered around her house, feeling bored beyond belief and stressed, knowing that she should be working on projects, but refused to get motivated enough to finish them. Emy and Hunter facetimed her constantly, which she looked forward to everyday, knowing none of her high school friends paid her any attention to her anymore, thinking she was pompous and uppity after her first semester in college.

She was embarrassed to admit it, but she noticed herself checking her email far too often, as well. Always waiting for some type of message from Dr. Clement, despite knowing there was no reason for them to be in contact. Lindsey and her snapchatted and texted, but kept it very casual, especially when Tegan noticed Lindsey’s accusatory tone when talking about students and professor’s relationships. 

Just before everyone got out for break, it was reported that a board member of the Business department, had reportedly been sleeping with many of his undergraduate female students, claiming that all the relationships were consensual, even though he was a married man and knowingly broke every ethic code in the school handbook. Tegan, just like everyone else, thought it was degrading for a professor to use such tactics just to help students bump up their grade, and was surprised when Lindsey started debating her on it. The blonde would angrily remark that teachers who see students in any light outside of professional should be fired and denied their certification, claiming that in any other academic setting this behavior wouldn’t fly. Tegan obviously agreed that such relationships shouldn’t exist, especially if a professor was exploiting their student, but she argued that some connections do happen, and not all of them are inherently manipulative or toxic. This only pissed Lindsey off more, and revealed to Tegan that there clearly was some type of animosity Lindsey held for Dr. Clement. 

When Tegan had returned home from break, she was nervous to reconnect with her limited friends, but was ecstatic to spend time with her parents and her childhood cat. The first night back, they all stayed up until 2 in the morning, trying to cram in every detail, within reason, about Tegan’s semester so far. When it came to reconnecting with her old high school friends, everything felt static and forced. High school, while a crucial part of figuring out her identity, was not Tegan’s favorite memory. The years of mocking and bouts of isolation she faced made it difficult for her to maintain her friendships while still in it, nevertheless being distanced from them and having virtually nothing in common with them anymore. The few friends that she had managed to stay connected with would send her the casual text or snapchat to keep their memory alive in the back of her head, but she knew most of her friends, who stayed home and worked at the local restaurants and manufacturing companies after high school, always believed Tegan to be cocky and privileged with her parent’s success. Sonia and Bruce were a part of the medical field, and worked at the only clinic in the town, making them one of the more well-known families around. Tegan’s quiet nature in high school always irked people, unaware of the anxiety and confusion going on in her brain, and often chalked up her tendencies to being a prissy girl, too stuck up to talk to the blue-collar folks that the rest of the town consisted of. 

“I don’t know why you still keep talking to her dude,” Emy said over the phone, smacking on a piece of gum, making it very hard to ignore, and snapping Tegan out of her daze.

“Talking to who? Oh, shit. Yeah, I don’t know why I keep going back to her.” There was a pause, and Tegan nervously bit her lip, a tick she picked up, but didn’t know where from. “Has she talked to you or Hunter at all since break? She was acting all buddy buddy with you two before we left, which no offense, was a shock to me.”

Emy rustled around, from what Tegan could hear on the other line, making her nervous as to why her friends usual talkative self was so quiet. “Hello? Should I call you back later or…” Emy interrupted, “no, no, everything is fine. I just don’t like being in the middle of things like this,” giving an exasperated sigh. 

“Things like what,” Tegan questioned, unsure of why everything with Lindsey was so complicated, and always meant dragging other people into their relationship, or whatever you would call it. 

“Before we left, remember at dinner she kept making digs at you and Dr. Clement?” Tegan huffed, knowing everything always came back to that. She hummed in response to acknowledge the memory, “well, after you went back to your room, me and Hunter wanted to work on finishing the small details for the album cover and stuff, and Lindsey wanted to help give us her artistic expertise. But she essentially just used that time with me and Hunter to ask any and everything we know about Dr. Clement and you. She was trying to figure out how that picture happened, and obviously, Hunter didn’t know, so I was put in the hot seat the entire time.” Tegan was nervous, she didn’t know why though. Nothing Sara or her ever did was unethical, or explicitly romantic, especially not out in the public for others to see. 

Tegan’s mind was running, but Emy always seemed to be her saving grace. “I told her that you offered to take the picture, basically so I could get a sense of her style, and I told her it worked. Oh by the way that reminded me, I messaged Dr. Clement at the start of the break and set up a time for her and me to meet actually!” Emy’s excitement was palpable, even through the phone, but it struck a tinge of jealousy with Tegan. 

“Oh, wow,” there was an uncomfortable pause between them, Tegan not knowing what to say but feeling mixed with jealousy was her immediate response. “That’s awesome Em,” trying to feign a sense of joy, “what would you guys work on?” Her lip biting continued, and the taste of iron hit her taste buds, “fuck” she whispered under her breath, but not audible enough for Emy to pick up on.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, but you said she likes to focus on nature and grayscale works, so I’m assuming we’d just go to the quad or the trail behind our dorm and take a few pictures, and she’d show me how to process them. And I promise, if we need a model, you’ll be the first person I’ll call.” Tegan chuckled, unaware of Emy’s timid attempts at flirting. They wrapped up their conversation, both of them promising they would get their schoolwork done before they returned so they could party it up the night classes started back up. 

As the break came to a close, Tegan meticulously worked on her projects, feeling a new surge of purpose with the work she was doing. She wasn’t sure if it was out of spite because she was back in a place that never treated her like she was worth anything, or if it was the threat of someone else taking the limelight that Dr. Clement had showered her with in the first part of the year. She loved Emy, and thought her to be one of the most profoundly selfless and caring person she had ever met, but the deeply rooted envy she felt when her friend announced she would be under the wing of her professor, knowing she had never expressed any interest in before, irked her beyond measure. She tried pushing the negative thoughts out, knowing she had no entitlement to either of the two women’s time, nor should she have really cared about either of their reasoning’s behind the meet up, but her insecurities wouldn’t subside until their interactions were over. In these states of uncertainty and irritation is when Tegan wanted to reach out to Lindsey most, causing her to type too long of stream of consciousness style text, before going back and deleting all of it and avoiding the conversation altogether. 

It was the last night Tegan was home, her room felt cold and crowded, with her belongings packed up, and her decorations stored away so her mom could make the room an office. Ever since her conversation with Emy, she couldn’t shake the negative energy that hung around her, and knew she needed to cleanse it before returning to her lively group. She sat in bed, and raked her brain for the answers, coming up short, finding no use in the meditation she attempted. Her phone buzzed beside her, lighting up with a snapchat notification from Lindsey, which was the only way they communicated throughout the rest of the break, and mainly just to keep their streak alive. 

She sighed, and rolled over, giving in and letting herself open the several snaps she was sent, and was shocked with the pictures she received. The last time they had truly spoken, they ended the call irritated with one another over the debate of teacher and student relationships. Now, across Tegan’s screen, was the pierced nipples of her confusing and manic interest. She suppressed the gasp, that so easily wanted to escape from her lips, and instead threw her hand over her mouth. She knew the walls were thin in the house, and her parents were some of the worlds lightest sleepers. She mouthed ‘what the fuck’ to herself, before continuing to click on the remain snaps sent her way. Varied angles and countless pictures of Lindsey with her top completely off, standing in nothing except her underwear had Tegan flustered. This was a game, she could obviously tell Lindsey wanted a response, but Tegan had no more fight in her, tired of constantly trying to slow things down, only to have it all thrown in the wind and ruined by either one of their weak wills and clouded judgements. 

She knew the feeling that was now burning deep in her, and was ashamed that she could still so easily fall for the tricks of someone so blatantly manipulative. She stared at the last picture, and could almost feel the curvature of Lindsey’s back through memory alone. Her sore lip stung as she bit her lip, shoving her free hand down her shorts, and feeling the wetness that the thought had created. She took a final glance at the picture, running her finger tips along her sensitive skin, and turned her phone off, giving her a chance to pinch her nipples with her other hand. She hissed, not use to the touch, even with her own control, and wondered how the piercings must feel. She pictured herself, slowly licking up Lindsey’s sternum, and using her teeth to gently pull on the bar that now glorified Lindsey’s nipples. Tegan mimed the motion, pinching and pulling her own nipple, and used her other hand to rub slow but deliberate circles into her bud. Picturing the blonde withering beneath her almost got her there, but there was a wall in her imagination, not vivid enough to create a face or voice for her partner. Her mind flashed instead to a dark and mysterious brunette, with the hints of dark coffee in the air, and pale white skin replacing the flush skin of the blondes. She felt the rush in her stomach, and choked back a moan, knowing this is exactly what she needed to get off. Her slow rotations and gentle pinches got harder and faster, and with the thought of Sara whispering her name in her ear, Tegan felt the bliss take over her body. She lay in her bed, tired and flustered, but knew her dirty dream had just revealed a truth to her that she wasn’t expecting.

She awoke the next morning, sweaty, stuck to her sheets, with her hand still down her shorts. Her mother, moments after Tegan had fixed her shorts situation and mess of a t-shirt, busted into her room, cheery as ever, and announced that they were to be on the road in an hour, and a cup of coffee and French toast was awaiting Tegan downstairs. Sheer panic and embarrassment surged through Tegan’s body, almost being caught in such a state, cursing herself mentally for even putting herself in that situation in her own childhood bedroom. She hastily scarfed down her food and drink while discussing her plans with her parents, and finally took a shower to rid herself of the memory of last night. 

While the car ride commenced, Tegan messaged her friends, announcing her estimated time of arrival, and drew out sketches in her English notebook to pass the time. All her projects had been finished, and left her nothing to hurriedly finish last minute in the car, which oddly made her feel even more panicked that she had free time. Her mother had asked her a question, but Tegan was too far into her daydream to notice at first but with a subtle pinch, her mother gained her attention.

“Did you remember to pack up your decorations, I didn’t notice this morning when I woke you,” her mother questioned.

A flash of embarrassment swept over her, remembering her state earlier that day, but knew her mother hadn’t caught her. “Yeah,” she cleared her throat, after hours of not speaking her voice was hoarse. “I moved the desk over the window, too, and took all of my vinyl’s off the wall, the only thing I left was our family pictures.” She made brief eye contact with her parents through the rearview mirror before diverting her gaze back out on the road. 

“Oh,” her mother said with a deflated voice, which caught Tegan’s attention. “You could’ve taken those pictures, they were yours honey.” The guilt that was laid on Tegan made her feel even worse than this morning, and made her stomach turn. Ever since her mind has been cyclically thinking of Sara, it’s like the world has gone out of its way to make Tegan regret ever meeting the woman with guilt and embarrassment through others. “Mail me them, or send me copies of the pictures, you know I love you guys and am I not ashamed of that. I was just in such a hurry that it must have escaped me.” Her mother patted her leg, and reassured her she’d get them. 

After the long road trip, and merciless groaning her father did having to bring up all the extra boxes of decorations, her parents left Tegan with an embarrassingly long and over exaggerated group bear hug, that Tegan was convinced bruised her ribs. Emy and Hunter had witnessed the whole thing, while they waited in the lobby, and held back their laughter until Tegan’s parents had left the building. Tegan punched Hunter in the arm, and pinched Emy’s cheek, causing a strong red blush to adorn the girls face. 

They quickly embraced too once their laughing fit subsided, and all recounted their eventful but also uneventful breaks went. Tegan urged them to go up to her room, so she could use their labor to help finish decorating her bare dorm room. They oohed and ahh’ed at the classic vinyl’s Tegan brought back, and mocked the multitude of movie posters that she had hoarded throughout her youth. 

“Have you talked to the wicked witch of the west yet?” Hunter aimed the question at Tegan, and made Emy erupt with laughter, but quickly shut up with Tegan’s piercing stare. 

“Don’t call her that,” she said defensively, “she might send her henchmen after you,” and high-fived her two friends that were glad she seemed to have come to her senses about the crazy girl. “I didn’t tell you guys earlier, but guess what this chick did last night,” she rhetorically asked, as her friends made themselves comfortable on her bed. They hummed in response, as she pulled up a seat to tell her story. “So, I really hadn’t talked to this girl since we left for break, we got into a little argument about that professor that was caught sleeping with his students,” this caused both of her friends to raise their eyebrows, “I wasn’t defending him. He’s a fucking creep, and she agreed, but I told her that I don’t always think that student professor relationships are always as manipulative as that case, especially when both sides aren’t doing it for their own personal gain.” Emy disagreed, but knew not to voice that opinion, and Hunter shrugged his shoulders, incredibly bored by this continuing topic. “Well whatever, ever since then we hadn’t talked, just snapchatted to keep our streaks alive. But then all of a sudden, last night, she sends me a picture of her with her nipples pierced.” 

Emy’s face was very similar as to how Tegan reacted, but Hunter surpassed his own reaction and asked, “Please tell me you took a screenshot,” Emy kicked his shin, making him hiss in response. They laughed as Tegan tried explaining in detail her mental process debating if she should’ve taken the screenshot, but ultimately deciding not to. She revealed to them that she was truly over Lindsey’s tactics though, and didn’t want to interact with her anymore unless it really needed to happen, knowing a friendship was no longer an option, nor had it ever really been. 

Hunter gauged Emy’s reaction, and wasn’t at all shocked when a smile crept up on her face as Tegan explained how over she was of Lindsey. He felt bad knowing that Tegan had no clue, but he didn’t believe it was his place to assert himself in anymore of her drama. He didn’t mind letting Emy try and make a move herself though, so with that he stood up in front of the group and announced he was going back to his dorm for the night to get some sleep.

Tegan and Emy sat in her room, playing some of the old vinyl’s that Tegan had brought in the background, using the time to show each how productive or unproductive they were over break through the countless pictures they had taken of their projects. Emy had finished two canvases, small, but done in black and white and had landscapes of a farmhouse and some trees. Emy seemed bashful showing them to Tegan, but it made Tegan feel loved, even if it meant just getting to see her best friends work. 

Luckily, the group had been some of the only people back on campus that Saturday, which Emy and Tegan had planned in advance. Tegan shuffled around through some of her unpacked bags, shaking them until finding the heaviest one. Emy was confused with the odd actions, but quickly realized why Tegan was holding an oversized hoodie with a huge lump in the middle.

“The finest vodka, for the finest ladies,” Tegan said, unwrapping the monstrosity of a bottle. “Holy shit,” Emy was gawking at the bottle, “how the hell did you find a bottle that big?” Tegan had successfully unwrapped the bottle, and set it on her desk. Grabbing two glasses and two cokes from her fridge.

“I went to the liquor store when my parents were at work and asked for the cheapest and biggest bottle they had, and they handed me this. I’m pretty sure this is what frat guys use to mix their drinks, because I have never seen a normal human being have this in their bar.” 

The friends mixed their own drinks, Tegan noting how heavy Emy poured hers. “That was at least 3 shots right there Em, it’s a good thing you’re not a bartender.” 

“Why’s that,” the girl responded, sipping on her harsh drink and clicking her tongue with the sharp burn the alcohol left in her mouth and pit of her stomach. 

“You’d be the clients favorite bar tender, but you’d get fired so quick. I can guarantee if you finish that entire drink, you’ll be on your ass in the hour.” Tegan prodded her friend, Emy blushed but wanted to banter to back. “Who knows, maybe I can handle my liquor better than you, we’ve just never drank like this before.”

“Yeah, because were gay Emy, beer should be the staple, but I’m not trying to belch in front of you,” Tegan saw Emy’s face flush again, and laughed at how quick her friend was to get embarrassed. 

After an hour of playing shitty drinking games, and scrolling through numerous unwatchable documentaries on Netflix, the two girls had gotten decently drunk to no longer filter their thoughts. Tegan finally settled on putting Bob Ross on, knowing neither of them were gonna pay attention to it anyways.

“So, can we finally talk about the elephant in the room, or what,” Tegan was shocked to hear those words from Emy, but nodded, knowing whichever way the conversation was leading needed to be discussed. 

“Alright, good,” Emy’s face was red and flush from the alcohol, and she slightly slurred her words, but tried sobering up with the change in conversation. “What the fuck is up with you and Lindsey,” Tegan hadn’t realized how tense her entire body had become while anticipating Emy’s question, but she breathed a slight sigh of relief. “I mean I get it, you guys eye fuck each other whenever you’re in the same room, but is there anything else to it?”

Tegan was blown away by the way Emy was speaking, thinking this must be a record for the amount of times she’s ever heard the other girl swear in front of her. “I think it was just an infatuation thing honestly,” she bit her lip, starting up the nervous tick, feeling like her friend was trying to analyze her feelings. “I’m not sure why I kept going back to it, and I hate to sound so self-depreciating when I say this, but sometimes I felt like it’s what I deserved.” 

Emy leaned back, using the wall to lean against while she sat on the bed, quizzically looking at Tegan. “I’m not sure what you mean, why did you think you deserved to be messed with? The way that entire relationship looks, especially to an outsider, is like something out of a poorly made high school rom-com, with no happy ending.” Tegan giggled, making Emy’s confidence soar. “But seriously, both of you knew that you had feelings for each other, but then the constant miscommunication and random ass arguments you guys would get in all the time just make it nonfunctional.” She paused, making sure her words didn’t offend Tegan, but she was still curious, “why did you say you deserved it though, Tegan?”

Hearing her name made her snap out of her own mental dialogue, “I’m not sure if I can really explain it.” She paused, and looked at Emy, seeing her friend comfortable and bubbly, and most importantly happy, feeling such a sense of relief that she had such a perfect human as her best friend, causing her to smile and make Emy red with embarrassment for the look she gave. She took a breath and looked away before explaining, “I think in a way, whether it was through Lindsey herself, or just the way I am with relationships, I am not the best at showing my emotions, or being completely honest. Not that I did anything wrong,” she said making sure to make eye contact with Emy, scared she would put the wrong idea in her friend’s head, “but I think I was confusing my feelings for her with other people too, and so the whole relationship just manifested into a giant shit show. Hence why I say I deserved it.” 

Emy sipped on her drink, chuckling, “First of all, only a fucking English major would say ‘hence’ in a casual conversation, and second of all, I don’t think that you were the only one at fault for not being honest in that relationship. She toyed around with your feelings, and got what she wanted by playing those games, rather than just telling you she wanted your affection and attention all the time, and making you feel guilty for not realizing that.” 

Tegan finally got up from her spot, and decided to sit next to Emy, the alcohol causing her to get too into her feelings, causing her to repress some tears that wanted to make themselves known. Emy noticed her friend’s efforts, and hugged her, finally letting her purge the feelings.

“I’m sorry Em, I don’t know why I cry so much around you,” she said, laughing as she wiped her face, and fixing the part of Emy’s hair that she had set her head on. “You just make me feel like I’m actually worth something,” she said, choking back tears again. “I need to calm down,” they both laughed, realizing that their drunkenness was in full effect. 

“Let’s just watch some tv and go to bed, I’ll call Hunter in the morning and make him take us out to get breakfast.” Tegan hummed in response, leaning down and using Emy’s lap as her cushion. She grabbed the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped her and her friend in it.

Tegan quickly fell asleep, unaware of how little room she had left on the bed for Emy to sleep. Her friend’s heart was pounding, feeling the warmth of Tegan’s head on top of her lap. She slowly worked up the courage to use her hands and play with Tegan’s messy hair, smoothing it down where it stuck out, and keeping it out of her face. Before she forgot, she sent a text to Hunter demanding him to take them to get coffee in the morning, and threw her phone across the room once she got a ‘k’ in response. 

Her eyes struggled to stay open, the alcohol and her lack of sleep all her hitting her at once. She wished she could sleep this way, but her back ached in pain already. She sighed, and tried to move Tegan’s head without waking her. Tegan mumbled, half asleep as her friend helped her crawl up the bed to lay on her mountain of pillows. Just as she had finished pulling the comforter around Tegan, she felt her friend pull her down, and squeezed her tight to her. Emy let a short and quiet gasp, surprised by the reaction, but very aware that her friend was completely passed out. Her eyes were tired, and felt too heavy to resist the comfortable feeling of being the little spoon. She managed to pry some of the blanket away from underneath Tegan, and fully cocooned the both of them. She knew she wasn’t who Tegan wanted, but was more than happy to temporarily fill that position.


End file.
